19 January 2007

"Don't you understand? I'm a dentist! A DENTIST!"

Don't you love leaving the dentist after you've just had a filling, and your tongue's still numb on one side, and you can't feel your chin over there? It's as though one side of your face is all swollen, even though it doesn't look like it from the outside. Then, the feeling starts to come back, and the teeth on one side of your lower jaw feel alien and pointy from where they plastered it over with composite filling. You know, of course, that in a few days it will feel normal to you, but now the new edges have worn a sore spot on your tongue. And then all the local has finally worn off, and your jaw starts throbbing and aching and you can't concentrate on work anymore and all you can think about eating is mashed potatoes, which your wife lovingly makes for you when you get home, but you still snap at her because you feel like crap.

Sorry Jenn.

Happy Friday, y'all.

(The quote in the header's from Daniel Day-Lewis in the bizarre "Eversmile, New Jersey.")


eileen said...

that's cos he couldn't make it as one of santa's elves?

Brad Barnes said...

Maybe. I actually read somewhere the movie was based on the Don Quixote story. Not that I caught on to that at age, like, 15.

eileen said...

i actually don't know a dang thing about it... or much of anything, really. that's why i read your column... and, whoo,
blog... to find out about all the hip things to do around columbus. you rock.

seriously... the first thing that came to my mind was the christmas cartoon...was it rudolph? yup.

"Rudolph's not the only one who's different. One elf, Hermey, wants to be a dentist instead of a toy-making elf, and is similarly unaccepted by his peers. Hermey and Rudolph take off together to find where they belong, and meet Yukon Cornelius, an unsuccessful prospector who is seeking silver and gold. They have to beware of the Abominable Snow-monster (whom Yukon refers to as the Bumble), and stumble upon the Island of Misfit Toys, populated with toys such as a "Charlie-in-the-box", a train with square wheels, and a cowboy who rides an ostrich. They want to stay on the island, but King Moon Racer, ruler of the island, says it is for toys only. Hermey and Yukon say the three of them will leave the island in the morning, but Rudolph, figuring his nose will get them in trouble by attracting the snow-monster, decides to set out alone. He arrives at home, but Rudolph's family and Clarice are gone, looking for him. He discovers that they are being held captive by the Bumble, and rejoins his friends to help defeat the frosty fiend. Hermey, with his dentistry skills, helps Rudolph rescue the others by pulling out all the Bumble's teeth. The Bumble still tries to attack — toothless or not — and Yukon tackles the beast...right over the edge of a cliff. When they get back to the North Pole, Rudolph and Hermey are hailed as heroes and apologized to. However, Yukon is sorely missed. That is, until he shows up at Santa's doorstep with the Bumble in tow! Rudolph asks how the two of them survived the fall, and Yukon simply replies, "Didn't I ever tell you about Bumbles? Bumbles bounce!" The toothless Bumble, now reformed puts the star on top of the tree at the Christmas Eve party, in which Rudolph and friends are very welcome. When there is a strong fog, Santa relies on Rudolph as a beacon, and Rudolph gets them to the Island of Misfit Toys and at the end, the toys are given homes (they are dropped out of the sleigh behind the credits via umbrellas)."

isn't the internet amazing.... took about 30 seconds to verify.

Brad Barnes said...

Holy crap. I'd totally forgotten about that dentist-wannabe elf. Hah. Guess I haven't watched my stop-motion Christmas special regimen in wayyyyyy too long.

On a side note, is it possible to be "light in the loafers" if the shoes you're wearing are actually those pointy-toed elf things?