11 June 2007

Moronic Moment of the Month*

*brought to you by Seventeen magazine

The cover of July's "Seventeen" magazine features the ever-alluring Jessica Alba. Nothing says "wholesome" to teens like pictures of a former Playboy cover girl -- a girl whose beauty and prowess in a fistfight have even inspired a blues legend to write a song about her. The cover also promises information on "The DEADLY Disease You Could Get at the Beach." Sorich guessed it was crabs. Instead it was (yawn) skin cancer.

But, as we said back in the war, let's get on to the 'ron. (Yeah, I don't know what that means.)

This issue was actually loaded with moronic moments, so it was a tough competition. The summer preview included a blurb about "Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer" that informed me that my "heart will race from Jessica Alba's heroic efforts to save the world and Chris Evans's unbelievable hotness." Good to know.

Elsewhere, a poll indicated that almost 40 percent of respondents said having friends with "benefits" was "no big deal." That's nice. Let's celebrate teen promiscuity. (Seriously. Let's.)

The winner? This page, which claims how it's sexy to exercise with your sweetie.

Yeah, right. All I can say is, this set of exercises -- and in particular this one...
... is a great way for girls to find out if their boyfriend is gay. No straight man would call this fun, unless he was concocting a plan to, you know, zig when the girl zags so as to cause a collision of butts and intertwined legs that might potentially lead to making out. (Mmmmm, frottage.) And he can do that armed with the knowledge that nearly four out of six girls like the idea of friends with benefits.

Knowledge is power, kids.

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