21 August 2007

Dirty Potter, Book 4

No time to waste, since I've kept y'all waiting so long for this next lesson. Naughty, naughty J.K. Rowling's fourth Harry Potter book grew to an enormous 730+ pages, so let's get right to the dirty bits, shall we? Again, I'm using the American edition of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire."


Turn ye to:

* Page 48: (Dudley) was kneeling beside the coffee table, and he was gagging and sputtering on a foot-long, purple, slimy thing that was protruding from his mouth.

* Page 60: The source of the commotion was revealed as they entered the garden, and saw that Bill and Charlie both had their wands out...

* Page 374: "Hermione!" said Ron, cottoning on. "You're trying to rope us into that spew stuff again!"
Followed, on the next page, with: She seized his arm again, pulled him in front..., stretched out her forefinger, and tickled the huge green pear. It began to squirm...

* Page 458: As Harry had no idea how long a bath he would need to work out he secret of the golden egg, he decided to do it at night, when he would be able to take as much time as he wanted. (Again with the British euphamisms, Rowling? Golden egg, indeed.)

* Page 644 (continuing in the vein of self-exploration): Voldemort looked away from Harry and began examining his own body. His hands were like large, pale spiders; his long white fingers caressed his own chest, his arms, his face...
Whew. That's enough of that. But then, after his hands caress other things: He held up his hands and flexed the fingers, his expression rapt and exultant.

* Page 681: Dumbledore climbed into the trunk, lowered himself, and fell lightly onto the floor beside the sleeping Moody. He bent over him.

And I don't mean to tease, but that's all I'm giving away. Go buy the book yourselves, smutfiends.

4 comments:

Maggie&Bandit said...

Even we believe that this is starting to go to your head.
har, har.

the wife said...

oh dear. i may have to put a stop to this....

Brad Barnes said...

Is that like the Catholic school chearleader's chear?:

"Don't! Stop! Don't stop!"

gspence said...

harry porner!!