30 November 2007

Movies that (sort of) rock

Like half of America, I just got a Conde Nast magazine with a list of the 50 Greatest Rock Soundtracks of All Time.

Prince's "Purple Rain" is No. 1.

I loved the "Purple Rain" album. Who didn't? But to be remembered as a classic soundtrack, I think the movie needs to, um, not suck. I can't tell you how much Prince mystique disappeared when I saw him bickering with his "dad" whom, let's not forget, he still lived with.

The magazine's No. 2 choice, The Beatles' "A Hard Day's Night," is much better. And "Pulp Fiction," at No. 4, could probably have gone higher. Nice to see "Once" (No. 41) and "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" (No. 48) on the list too.

29 November 2007

Another reason to love the Third World...

A prostitute in Chile has auctioned off 27 hours of sex to raise attention (ahem) and money to the plight of disabled children.

I couldn't have fabricated that. Here's the story, including a picture of the woman. Her name is "Miss Carolina," and she's kind of hot, although probably unclean. OK, more than probably.

In related news, Neil Diamond, spotted in a health clinic seeking unspecified treatments, says he might have written his song "Sweet Caroline" for Miss Carolina and not Caroline Kennedy. Or wait, he said, maybe it was this Miss Carolina...

New Old 97's

You haven't even gotten past the headline and you're confused, aren't you.

Anyway, I became a huge fan of the Old 97's in the mid- to late-1990s, after hearing the song "Broadway," then ordering the album that carried that song, "Too Far to Care," and then playing the entire record incessantly for 2,304,387 times. More or less. Right around the turn of the century, I made my then-girlfriend (now wife) what was supposed to be a best-of disc of their stuff. It had eight of the 13 tracks from "Too Far." Go buy this record if you like roughshod, ramshackle, rootsy, country, punk, rock 'n' roll. Singer/primary songwriter Rhett Miller is one of the best turners of phrase ever.

Their last record -- 2004's "Drag It Up" -- wasn't a classic, but it had several great tracks. "Won't Be Home" is one of the best songs they ever wrote. But I thought maybe singer/primary songwriter Rhett Miller was spread too thin as he also put out two solo records since 2002.

So I'm excited to hear the band has wrapped a new record for 2008 release, but it's with some trepidation, since I hear that Rhett's also got a new solo project coming out soon. My best hope is that enough time's passed to let them build up a good stack of tunes. These guys are too good to hold down.

Get you some MP3s. Start with these. Then these. Then anything else you find here.

"If that phone don't ring one more time,
I'm gonna lose what's left of my mind.
Well, you made a big impression for a girl of your size,
Now I can't get by without you and your big brown eyes."
-- The Old 97's, "Big Brown Eyes"

28 November 2007

Blue light special

Interpol, the band, not the arresting body, is releasing a six-track live EP exclusively to indie music stores, beginning today. The disc is available to stores that are part of the Think Indie consortium, including Atlanta's Criminal Records and Laser's Edge in Birmingham. The songs were recorded in London on July 2, 2007. They're all songs from their first and latest records, so don't look for any unheard tracks.

Never mind the irony that it's only available to indie stores that are part of a consortium ("We're indie, but we're networked!"). It's still cool that the band is doing this as a boon to the mom-and-pops. But we're kidding ourselves if we believe that "the album" and "the EP" -- the physical artifacts of them, at least -- will be history within a decade. If the indie stores can hang on until then, great, but the Virgin stores, FYEs and all the big chains won't survive the digital delivery either, I'm guessing.

"Time everlasting
Time to play b-sides
Time ain't on my side
Time I'll never know"
-- Blue Oyster Cult, "Burnin' For You"

Rhymes with 'nail her'

Norman Mailer, the author of "The Executioner's Song," and some other stuff, has been awarded posthumously -- but not posthumurously -- the Bad Sex Award in Fiction by London's In & Out Club.

Mailer's "The Castle in the Forest" contained the offense. A longer excerpt of the piece (huh-huh, huh-huh) can be read here. But apparently what gave his work the edge over other bad writing was an oral sex scene that ended with: "Uncle was now as soft as a coil of excrement."

Whudda thunk a man who opposed the feminist movement wouldn't have a clue how to write sexy?

27 November 2007

But can you... sit on it?

Downtown Milwaukee is planning to put up a big bronze statue in honor of Arthur Fonzarelli. Seriously.

Eh. I guess it's better than having a statue of Rocky Balboa atop the steps of a museum. Best of all, though, are the "Bronze the Fonz" shirts they're selling to raise money for the effort. I'd have though all they needed to do was have a fundraiser where Henry Winkler performs another daring ski jump over a shark tank. What do I know?

Here's The Fonz, with on-show girlfriend played by Linda Purl. I had a huge crush on Purl, but my fascination ended, strangely, the moment she appeared as Ben Matlock's daughter...

26 November 2007

Jerry's stein filled

Just had a woman call to ask me when the "Steinfeld" show was scheduled for Columbus. (It's true, as readers of the L-E already know from reading this.) Uh, if you can't say his name, you don't get to go to the show.

I also got an e-mail from a concerned person who's already found tickets being advertised by ticket resellers, offering orchestra seats for $240. The e-mailer was asking if such scalping is legal, and it well may be. Georgia has some special prohibitions on scalping but doesn't out-and-out prohibit it. Free market, yada yada yada.

Most curious to me is that these seats are being offered for sale before the Dec. 8 on-sale date...

Yar! Will ye be drinking a pint o' rum
from yer stein, then?

Watching the game

The Starz network today broadcasts a surprisingly virile special on the intersection of the film and video game industry, called "Hollywood Goes Gaming." Tune in at 9 p.m. EST.

The documentary features lots of actors talking about formative video game experiences, directors talking about the challenge of turning a video game storyline into a moving movie, and lots of nostalgia for folks like me.

"Tron," which hasn't really aged well in my book, seems to be a highlight among these folks as video-game-movie done right (though it was a movie about games, not made from one). "Super Mario Bros." appears to be on the other side of the scales... Best bit of trivia?: In the flurry to buy rights to build video games based on movies in the early-1980s -- before the great Atari "E.T." debacle -- there was actually a bidding war for the video game rights to "Kramer vs. Kramer." (Quick, file those legal briefs before you lose custody of little Billy! That's game over, man!)

25 November 2007

Maybe I'm one of the donkeys?

Saw a billboard on 231/431 on the way home from turkeyday that said, cryptically:

"Three donkeys, two nails and a hidden passage."

What the hell's it mean, anyone? Anyone?

21 November 2007

Happy Thanksgiving, jive turkeys

I'll rap t'ya' again in some codownle uh days. Happy Danksgivin', everyone. What it is, Mama!

(Meanwhile, play with the jive translator here. It also totally does Valley Girl, Buckwheat and the Swedish Chef.)

Am I lovin' it? Yes. Yes I am.

I'm sort of a connoisseur of breakfast burritos. Which may explain why I've been on Lipitor since I was in my 20s. Anyway, one of my greatest regrets about coming to this fair city was its distinct lack of Whataburgers, which serve up the best of the breakfast-on-a-tortilla dishes -- the Breakfast Taquito. You can get it with sausage or bacon, but with steaming, fried potato inside is the best way. There's American cheese melted over the whole concoction, and I usually juice it up with some salsa inside. Yummmm. It's whitetrashtastic.

Sonic's jumbo loaded one is good, but a little overdone. Really, I'd just started making them at home, which is a tasty solution, but a bit labor intensive. For a quick fix, I'd drop in into a Mickey D's and get their two-burrito combo meal. They've got sausage bits and no potato, but they do fine in a pinch.

But now, now the Arches are offering the McSkillet Burrito, though, and it promised to be different. It's big, with real, live hash brown potatoes inside. Still, I wasn't sure how I felt about the sausage patties in there. That's the meal, there on the right.

So Sorich and I had a taste-test. The results? Surprisingly not bad. Far less rubbery than the little two-burrito version, and as you may guess, that's a good thing. The sausage wasn't so heavy that it was distracting. Though it claimed to be doused with "salsa rojo," it was awfully dry. But adding a little picante inside would've cured that. If I had any.

Read Sonya's thoughts here.

20 November 2007

Moronic Moment of the Month*

*brought to you, as always, by Seventeen magazine

Since it's almost December, thought I'd better get off my keister and spend a little quality time with the November Seventeen magazine. Boy, was I rewarded with a heaping pile of moronicity. Here are the highlights. Click the pics for closeups, to read the text...

A snippet from a promising feature encouraging young girls to become activists actually suggests that "artsy girls" who want to help animals should exercise their creativity by, well, by downloading pictures and putting them on her computer as wallpaper. Wow.

Then there's this bit from a collection of ways to spice up a date. Catching a matinee after an early meal is a fine idea, of course. But they suggest making that meal -- get this -- a bagel and Gatorade? What the...? This must just be some sick sort of product placement. But I think that combination would churn in my stomach until midway through that "Beowulf" preview, at which point I'd reenact the John Belushi zit scene from "Animal House."

But most moronic of all is this bit, which rivals the classic "What's that smell?" chart. It's even got a similar image of a girl checking out her own panties. Just be thankful I cut the chart off before it got to the words "cottage cheese." I kid not.

(Last month's installment)

You might be eaten by a grue

Kudos to the folks at Games for Windows magazine, who, amid all their reviews of "Strategic Command 2: Weapons and Warfare," "Clive Barker's Jericho," and "Far Cry from Gears of Conflict in Sim City: The Awakened Wrath of the Lipizzaner Stallions Expansion Pack," found a little space to kick it old school.

They devoted a three-page feature to text adventure games, or interactive fiction as the genre's enthusiasts prefer to call it today. We're talking about "Zork," or other prose-y games where a world is described to you, and you type in commands to further the storyline. It's like an interactive novel, or a Choose Your Own Adventure book where you're not limited to a couple of choices. If there's a menacing troll in the room with you, try typing "kill the troll with the sword," for instance.

I've been a fan of this stuff since the early days of Infocom. In fact, using a free IF programming language called Inform, I actually wrote an adventure game for Jenn's birthday this year. Yeah, me big geek. Anyway, if you want to check out some of the games, which are nearly all free these days, go to the Baf's Guide and poke around. I recommend downloading "Curses" by Graham Nelson -- the fellow who wrote Inform.

Oh movies, where art thou?

After "Lady Chatterley" (giggle), which ends its Columbus run Thursday, there's no art-house feature coming in next week. But don't fear, Carmike is just taking a single week off before they, with the Columbus Film Society, bring in another run of films.

Here's the rundown of movies through January, annotated for your convenience:

* Nov. 30: "Before the Devil Knows You're Dead" -- Thriller with Philip Seymour Hoffman, Marissa Tomei, Ethan Hawke
* Dec. 7: "Out of the Blue" -- docudrama about a massacre in New Zealand
* Dec. 14: "In the Shadow of the Moon" -- return engagement of the space documentary
* Dec. 21: "Terror's Advocate" -- documentary about attorney Jacques Verges, who defends terrorists
* Dec. 28: "The Boss of it All" -- by the pompous ass Lars von Trier, but it's a comedy, so maybe it's OK
* Jan. 4: "The Last Winter" -- gripping horror film about a pipeline crew in Alaska. Judging by the title, it ends badly...
* Jan. 11: "My Kid Could Paint That" -- documentary about a controversial child painter
* Jan. 18: "Sleuth" -- Kenneth Branagh directs. Jude Law and Michael Caine star. Medium-rare reviews, though
* Jan. 25: "Control" -- Biopic about Joy Division leader Ian Curtis

19 November 2007

Wiped out

Dick Wilson
Best known as Mr. Whipple (the "don't squeeze the Charmin" guy)


The people at Callaway Gardens are very nice, and I like them and all. But one of my pet peeves is when people try to spell a word that's more than seven digits with their phone numbers. (Or 10 digits. I'll give you 10 if you use the area code to help spell.)

Callaway claims its toll-free number is 1-800-CALLAWAY, for instance. It's not. It's 1-800-225-5292. Which, if you look at your phone, is 1-800-CALLAWA. It's petty, I know, but every time I write something for print that has their number in it, I convert the word to numbers to save the reader from fishing around the alphabet on the keypad, and I end up with 1-800-225-52929. And that's more than a little confusing.

Maybe I'll just start referring to them as Callawa Gardens.

"O.K., so no-one's answering
Well can't you just let it ring a little longer, longer, longer
I'll just sit tight
Through the shadows of the night
Let it ring for ever more"
-- E.L.O., "Telephone Line"

Just like an iPod, but for books

A month or so back, I wrote a column on how we needed a device that would do for books what the iPod did for music.

Amazon has launched just such a device. It's very much like the iPod, right down to the expensive pricetag. Here's a piece from a NY Times blog about it. The problem with this one, though, is that at $399 plus $10 a title to download books from Amazon.com, you'd have to download some 200 books before you recouped your investment. And the device's capacity? About 200 books. I'm also going to assume that when you delete a title, it's gone for good.

Keep working, fellas. This isn't the answer. At that money, I'd rather have a PlayStation 3 -- and that's precisely the attitude that book publishers need to worry about.

16 November 2007

Cold weather, Hot-lanta

The Big Azy's got a bunch of good shows coming in the next few days. When did this happen? So get out your pocket planner...

* I put Saturday's Swell Season show in my weekend picks on L-E.com. Read about it there.

* Sunday, the ever-lovin' Hold Steady are at the Variety Playhouse. Yeah, I'm tired of all the Springsteen comparisons too. But I love these guys.

* Of Montreal, whose work gets better and better with every listen, play the Variety on Tuesday. Why, oh why, couldn't it be Wednesday, when we're all offa work on Thursday? I guess that's why god made sick days, right? (Don't read this, Dawn.)

* And, as mentioned below, Zookeeper's at The EARL -- probably my favorite Atlanta haunt these days -- on Nov. 26.

"Boredom murders the heart of our age
while sanguinary creeps take the stage
Boredom strangles the life from the printed page"
-- Of Montreal, "Forecast Facist Future"

15 November 2007

There's a zebra in the kitchen

A buddy asked me last weekend what I've been listening to. Long pause. I realized, with a shock, that I'd been listening to nothing. At least, nothing new. But I've broke the funk with two recent discoveries:

*Zookeeper, "Becoming All Things" -- I get wary when a band is described as "emo." Being as I, you know, hate emo. But this new record is phenomenal. It's got out of tune, melancholy accordians and horns, but it's somehow still upbeat and warm music with a groovy backbeat. If you like Okkervil River, Beirut, or Neutral Milk Hotel, check out this Austin act.

* White Whale, "WWI" -- To be fare, this record's more than a year old. But it's new to me. The band is fronted by Butterglory's Matt Suggs, and the record is sort of a song cycle of sea songs. They sound a little like The Church when they crank up (like on album opener "Nine Good Fingers"), and other times it's moody, barnacle-encrusted alt-rock. Good stuff.

If you dig Zookeeper, you can check them out live at The Earl in Atlanta on Nov. 26.

(And 10 cool points to anyone who gets the headline reference without the benefit of a search engine...)

14 November 2007

'Rambo' too

Buckle up, this is messy.

First the bad news: There is, indeed, a fourth Sylvester Stallone "Rambo" movie coming out.

The worse news: It's soon. Jan. 25th.

Worse still: The name thing. It's being called "Rambo." Which was the name of the second one (officially, "Rambo: First Blood Part II"). Then came 1988's "Rambo III" -- that's right, not "Rambo II," nor even "Rambo: First Blood Part III," leading a nation of teenagers to think they missed something when they learned their Roman numerals. So now we get "Rambo," which would be the second "Rambo," but the fourth movie. Egad.

Worst of all: This might not be the end. When the film company first wanted to call this installment "John Rambo," a la "Rocky Balboa," Stallone interceded. He told Ain't It Cool News, "I just was thinking that the title John Rambo was derivative of Rocky Balboa and might give people the idea that this is the last Rambo film, and I don't necessarily feel that it will be. He's not an athlete, there's no reason he can't continue onto another adventure. Like John Wayne with 'The Searchers'."

Instant Karma Chameleon

Boy George was charged Tuesday with falsely imprisoning a 28-year-old man, the Associated Press reports. A Norwegian man alleges he was chained and threatened at the entertainer's apartment.

George, 46, will appear in court next week. The "man," shown here searching for material for a new song, is best known as the cross-dressing frontperson for Culture Club. Since he was attractive as neither a boy nor a girl, he positioned himself somewhere in between.

Tuesday's trouble with police is on top of George's earlier arrest for falsely imprisoning the airwaves of the 1980s and filling them with horrid songs.

Yes, George, we really want to hurt you.

"Karma police, arrest this man
He talks in maths
He buzzes like a fridge
He's like a de-tuned radio"
-- Radiohead, "Karma Police"

13 November 2007

Are you Sirius?

The planned merger of Sirius Satellite Radio and XM Satellite Radio would come with a bonus for subscribers. Or maybe it's more like that federal tax break than a bonus.

Once merged the companies would offer a pricing plan starting at $6.99 a month for 50 channels offered by one of the services. That's almost half-price from the fixed rates offered now. Or, if you want total programming from both networks, that'd run you $16.99, or about 3 bucks more than subscribers are paying for one service now. Of course, the merger would have to be approved by the FCC still. For more on them, please refer to the appropriate song on Steve Earle's "The Revolution Starts... Now" disc.

In much of the country, satellite radio is the only creative radio programming available, and the high monthly fees (at least, high for a tightwad like me) have been a large part of the reason I haven't bit...


"Satellite's gone way up to Mars
Soon it will be filled with parking cars
I watched it for a little while
I love to watch things on TV"
-- Lou Reed, "Satellite of Love"

12 November 2007

Drumline, for real

Never got much into college football, what with me having graduated from the esteemed Commuter College at the End of the Two-Lane Road. But I actually love college marching band music.

Not enough to, like, go buy a CD of it or nothing. But I love hearing the brass live -- or on TV -- with the roar of the crowd around them. And that makes the forthcoming Honda Battle of the Bands in the Georgia Dome appealing. The planners call it the "Super Bowl for Black College Bands," which isn't catchy but is accurate. Ten bands will compete for the title, including...

(Drum roll please.)

(Get it? Marching bands? Drum roll?)

... Tuskegee University and Albany State. It's set for Jan. 26. Here's the dealio.

11 November 2007

'The Darjeeling Limited'...

...is Wes Anderson's best movie. And that's coming from a guy who loved "Rushmore" and "The Royal Tenenbaums." Saw it last night and spent the rest of the night discussing the film's symbolism and finer points, when we weren't listening to the world's worst rockabilly band at the SoHo.

Don't expect as much humor, although it is funny in parts. And with a trainful of quirky characters, not to mention a cast that includes Jason Schwartzman, Owen Wilson, Bill Murray (small role), and Anjelica Huston, there's no doubt it's an Anderson flick. Really, you don't even know what the film's about until Act III, but it works.

(And in the SoHo's defense, the opening act for The Hot Rods was Atlanta '70s style rockers Adam & the Pinx, who were tight. The singer/guitarist shredded riffs like Jack White. If they could put a singer at the mic who can replicate what Adam does on the six-string, these guys will go places.)

09 November 2007

Trekker treat

Attention geeks: Two pieces of Star Trek news in one day -- and no this is not as the result of some time loop as a result of a ripple in the space-time continuum.

First off, McClatchy reports that an two-part episode of the original 1966 series has been combined and remastered for a theatrical release in mid-November. Tickets will be $12.50, which is a billion percent more than the free that old "Star Trek" episodes used to be.

Secondly, Winona Ryder has been cast in the forthcoming S.T. prequel movie, helmed by J.J. Abrams. She's Spock's mother, which is disturbing, considering how hot she is. I'd like to give her the ol' Vulcan neck pinch, ifyouknowwhatImean. She apparently has a scene in the forthcoming "Sex and Death 101" where she is, per cinematical.com, "a bit naked." And that's way better than her not being naked in the least, I say. I'm also kind of psyched that Abrams is producing, since I thought he was the first guy to breathe life into the "Mission: Impossible" films. "M:I:3" is actually good.

08 November 2007

Strike down upon us with great vengeance

Didn't really think the writer's strike would affect me too much. But I just learned that they're putting "24" on hiatus until it's settled. So maybe that'll come around to shows that I actually watch, too.

I'm looking for Columbus-area folks who have strong feelings about the strike for a story, though. So if you're among them and wouldn't mind chatting about what you're missing -- be it Leno or reality TV or whatever -- drop me an e-mail at bbarnes(at)ledger-enquirer.com. But replace the 'at-sign' with, you know, the actual at sign.

07 November 2007

Oh. My. God.

Wow. Can't speak. Maggie & Bandit's mom sent me this:

A beer tap and hundreds of classic arcade video games all in one. Seriously. Some 187 games (emulated from the original ROMs on a PC, I'm assuming) and a pony keg in back with a tap on the frontside. It's, quite simply, genius. One of the comments below the original post suggested putting it inside an old "Root Beer Tapper" console. But then there's a danger that you might hit the keg tap thinking it was a game controller.

Of course, water-themed video games like "Toobin'," combined with all that beer, might make for frequent bathroom breaks. But that's the price you pay, right?

(Actually, the price you pay is $2,000 for this contraption.)

06 November 2007

Never say good buy

Carmike's selling tickets to "Bon Jovi: Lost Highway." It's a $10 ticket for this "concert event on the big screen" at 7:30 p.m. tonight. The "show" is at Carmike 15.


It's OK. You don't have to admit to me that you're a Bon Jovi fan, kinda sorta even still, and I won't tell you that I once owned a Stryper CD. Even steven. I guess, having seen a million faces and rocked them all, Mr. Bongiovi is content to just let people see his face without seeing theirs in return.

When, oh when will people start using technology for good and not evil?

Those, sir, are some sexy boots

Sing me Spanish techno, NPR

Yesterday, the fine purveyors of good music at NPR launched its NPR Music Web site, which culls all its live concerts, in-studio performances, band interviews, news and more in one orgy of a web page.

There's lots of stuff in three categories: jazz, classical (both of which you might typically associate with radio stations located in the upper 80s on the dial) and an amazingly virile rock/pop/folk section, which skews to indie acts. Right now there are concerts by Cincinnati's sultry Over The Rhine and Canadian semi-super-group The New Pornographers, for instance, one of the Nickel Creek farewell shows, a video session with a capella act Sweet Honey in the Rock and an interview with Dee Dee Bridgewater. And lots more. There's even a new song by the Magnetic Fields' Stephin Merritt, which he wrote after noodling around hours inside NPR's new studio facility for 48 hours.

Check the site out. It'll make you happy.

05 November 2007

Happy Guy Fawkes Day!

Perhaps in honor of said day, Chris Staros, one of the founders of Atlanta's formative Top Shelf Productions, speaks tonight at CSU. Here's the dealio.

Top Shelf, by the way, has published many acclaimed graphic novels -- among them Alan Moore's "From Hell" and "Lost Girls," which even comic idiots like me are aware of -- and is credited with generating a resurgence in interest in the media as an art form. Check him out. It's free.

“Remember, remember the fifth of November,
The gunpowder, treason and plot,
I know of no reason
Why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.”
-- Traditional rhyme

Shia LaBusted

Shia LaBeouf, the "Transformers" and "Disturbia" star, was arrested after refusing to leave a Chicago Walgreens on Sunday morning. Why he was intent on staying in the place, no one seem sure. Now if it were a WalMart, we could understand he was dead set on getting his copy of the new Eagles CD, which is only available in WalMarts. Seriously).

He may have been drunk, said the store's security guard. But arresting police said he was courteous, and he was only charged with trespassing misdemeanor. (So no, he won't be shackled with a house-arrest anklet, a la "Disturbia.")

Maybe he was after some Halloween closeout candy. Or an "Even Stevens" DVD gift set. Or, better yet, he was trying to buy the letter 'I' to complete his surname's set of vowels.

02 November 2007

Have a rice day

"Waste time, give people rice and prove you're a dork ... what more can you want ..." So writes my buddy Eric before sending me this link.

It's pretty cool, actually. It's a vocabulary quiz, and the more definitions you guess correctly, the more rice that the advertisers will buy to send to Third World countries. The real dorks (like me) will read the FAQs to see how the quiz quickly evaluates your vocabulary level and caters words to keep you learning as you go.

E says he got to level 45. I got to 41 or 42 before it was becoming apparent to co-workers that I wasn't working at my desk and had to quit. But I think I'd about topped out anyway. Enjoy (or, I should say, "luxuriate," "extol," or the ever popular "savour").

"I’ll never hurt you. I’ll treat you right
Oh Condaleeza, won’t you come out tonight "
-- Steve Earle, "Condi Condi"

01 November 2007

Shine on harvest moon

A friend once gave me a mason jar full of "Georgia Shine" as a birthday gift. It wasn't really moonshine, and it was about the worst corn whiskey I'd ever ett.

But maybe there's hope now that a North Carolina's Piedmont Distillery has started selling some of its legitimate 'shine in Georgia. One is called Catdaddy Carolina Moonshine.

Or maybe there's not hope, since the other brand is Junior Johnson's Midnight Moon -- carrying the namesake of a NASCAR driver. Because, you know, there's nothing you should associate drinking with more than driving.

"You're gonna make me spill my beer
If you don't learn how to steer.
Passenger si-ide.
I don't like riding on the passenger side."
-- Wilco, "Passenger Side"