13 May 2008

Yucky charms

It's crap like this that gives "natural food" a bad name. We got in a big box o' Brothers All Natural Crisps, in varying flavors like Asian pear, apple, and potato. And the trouble starts with the name. The short list:

* They're not crispy. They're powdery. But I guess "Apple Powders" doesn't have much curb appeal at yon market.

* They smell bad. The Asian pear ones smell like rotten dried potato. Which is more than you can say about the potato ones. Those don't smell bad, but they taste like dried stewed potatoes rather than, say, a potato chip or that more famous bit of crispy potato goodness — the Pringle.

* They claim to be "The healthy snack... the one Mother Nature would eat!" Now, not having met Mother Nature, I can't swear this is false. But I can promise you no human being on the far side of starvation would eat them. So they're lying or Ms. Nature's a sadist. You decide.

Have I made it clear yet? These things are disgusting. They couldn't be farther from gusting. They're possibly the worst things I've ever eaten, and remember that I've eaten dirt and barbecued tarantulas. If this the alternative, give me some additives and preservatives, please.

6 comments:

Jenn said...

Bring 'em home and we'll see if the pups will eat them!

Maggie&Bandit said...

We'll eat just about anything -- bring it.

Sarah Bailey said...

WHAT?!?! Those things are awesome!! I haven't seen the potato ones and they sound disgusting, but the apple, Asian pear and strawberry banana combo are delicious. I wouldn't call them powdery. My parents love them too, as does Arlo. If you don't want them, send them to me. Yum!

Brad Barnes said...

You kidding? We smashed what was left with extreme prejudice, then used them as packing peanuts in a FedEx box. Foul, foul expectorant.

Sarah Bailey said...

Sooooo not kidding! Maybe you got a bad batch?

Brad said...

You are officially on crack, my dear.