barnesstorming

Bad night's sleep

2011-11-16T07:20:00.004-05:00

Bad night's sleep last night. And in the haze of this morning's lamplight -- just the latest thing to prevent me from giving over to unconscious -- I see my own pulse, under my biceps. It's not coursing; it's gently pushing.

Such a fragile thing. And such a remarkable thing, that for us, life often lasts 70, 80, 90 years. (In 2006, a turtle named Adwaita that was born in 1760, died.)

My father died this year, at substantially fewer years than that turtle. Too few years, his friends and my family and I would all say. Yet, we all say he lived a full life. So which is right: Full life or too few years? Or is it a third option, I can only voice tentatively, and only now with distance and reflection on: A year too many?

That was Eastertime. He was taken from us during the season of birth and new life. So now that it's Thanksgiving, should I be bitter, sardonic and cursing the gods? Is the happiness in life just a mask we project on what is actually bound for a horrible end for us all, either suddenly and tragically or slowly and painfully, as Will Sheff says?

No, not horrible.

I'm going with too short -- be it at 37 years, 75 years, or 255, and sifted through the filter of quality of life. May the knees stop working before the mind. And be thankful.

Tonio K. addendum

2011-08-25T22:19:00.004-04:00

The good wife still doesn't like Tonio K., by the way. "Maybe I'm just listening to him too late," she says.

Or maybe I should've gone crazy-go-nuts with the song selection instead of middle-of-the-road. In any case, I still like the mix disc.

The Strange Case of Tonio K.'s 'Best-Of' Disc

2011-08-20T08:39:00.020-04:00

The first Tonio K. I knew was the kinder, gentler one. The one who was singing keyboard infused love-song pop. NOT the one who once semi-famously sung, to Jackson Browne, "'Fountain of Sorrow,' my ass, motherfucker, I hope you wind up in the ground."

AllMusic.com calls the Tonio K. I was listening to the "post-conversion" version. As in, conversion to Christianity. But if you look at his early stuff ("Dear John," is a rather endearing letter to John the Baptist), it's clear he was always a believer. Just one who didn't mind spitting curse-infused venom to purge his demons.

So who the hell is he? He's a former member of Buddy Holly's Crickets — well after that plane crash, when the band was a tribute act. But his proper career began in the late '70s when released a

couple of raucous, angry major label records. These were big, loud songs, with K.'s husky, car-mechanic voice espousing bits of philosophy and arts criticism atop music that was punk rock as filtered through both Mellencamp and Meat Loaf. Stereo Review magazine called one of these records, or maybe both of them, "the greatest album ever recorded." But that didn't equal hit songs. In the '80s he tried again, this allegedly post-conversion K., with two records on Christian music's What? label. If you were gonna be raucous in Contemporary Christian Music, What? was the place to be. But it may not have really mattered. They were good records, but the energy, anger and glee seemed gone. The humor, too. Where were the songs about vampires, the songs about the angst of choosing who to kill — himself or his "philandering bitch"? Sigh. In the '90s, while K. was busy co-writing with T. Bone Burnett and Charlie Sexton, Gadfly started reissuing his early stuff and coaxing out demos and a full album (the fine "Olé," wherein some of the anger, at last, returned) that had never seen the light of day. The "new" stuff was quite a mixed bag.

So what's this story about, anyway, Brad?

Well, the good wife has never listened to Tonio K. Despite — or maybe because of — my insistence that he's a genius. So this week I grabbed my comprehensive collection of his discs (I'm only missing the "La Bomba" EP. I should track it down, as the title track is a reworking of "La Bamba," as an allegory about the "comico atomico," completely in Español) and set out to create a custom "best of" disc for her.

And that's where it got surprising.

I'm now debating if a song is good if its only merit is being, well, memorable. I found myself cutting out some of the songs I loved best — "Living Doll," a call-and-response bit of synth-cheese, and the dadaist "Merzsuite" amalgam, with its "futt futt futt, I am stupid!" refrain — because I couldn't imagine a positive reaction to them by virgin ears. The stuff that holds up is the mid-tempo rootsy stuff. But it's also his less interesting work. I've begun wrestling with the very concept of relevance. Is relevance even important? Is a body of work the criteria by which we judge a man — god help us — or do we see how far he has pushed back the frontline using only his anger and his rapier wit?

In the end, with this disc, I tried to please the audience. An artist might, should, call that pandering. But if my goal was to have my wife listen to and enjoy this music, it was the only way.

The leadoff track will surprise K.'s fans. "Another Day in Limbo," is a song he didn't write. Mark Heard did. Tonio recorded it for a tribute album after Heard's untimely death. The song's production is so sparse as to be almost not there. Macho guitar strumming and a jugular-pulsing vocal turn make it a good show-starter without misrepresenting what is to follow.

The final surprise for me was the song I now identify as my favorite: "We Walk On," from "Olé." It's not a character study, or a folk tale, or a love song, all of which he does so well. It's not bitter and bleak. It's not wry and funny. It begins:

like my father before me, i consider a past
i can't understand
as i grasp at a moment that slips through my hands

and i stumble toward a future concealed in a haze
half faith and half fear
and my innocent vision's no longer so clear
i walk on

It's a rare glimpse at the grownup Tonio K., who's been beaten up by the world, but not beaten down by it. It feels post-apocalyptic, and by the end of the song it's as if he's standing at the throne of judgment, and boy is that light bright.

It was tempting to place the song as the closer. But it also felt disingenuous to that full body of work I've been blathering on about. Instead, I nestled it square in the middle, between "H-A-T-R-E-D," with its Jackson Browne shout-out, and "American Love Affair." Those two songs represent better the anger and the cynic of the man. And I ended instead with a little pick-me-up called "Everything, Including You, Disgusts Me."

With apologies to ABBA, thank you for the music, Tonio.

Here's the full track listing for my custom "best of," for the curious. And no, I'm not posting the mp3s. Get you over to Amazon.com and buy 'em, or check a few out on his MySpace:

01. Another Day in Limbo

02. Practically Invisible

03. How Come I Can't See You in My Mirror?

04. The Executioner's Song

05. I'm Here

06. What a Way to Live

07. Girl Crazy

08. Indians and Aliens

09. H-A-T-R-E-D

10. We Walk On

11. American Love Affair

12. You Don't Belong Here

13. The Night Fast Rodney Went Crazy

14. You Will Go Free

15. Pardon Me for Living

16. Children's Crusade

17. Everything, Including You, Disgusts Me

Boys at the Hood (show)

2011-07-06T08:12:00.017-04:00

For Patterson Hood's encore set, the entire crowd bum-rushed the outdoor stage at Waverly, Ala.'s Standard Deluxe. It was dark at this point, with the glow from the stage only supplemented by a string of Christmasy lights overhead and the occasional burst of glee from a firefly.

Hood, of the Drive-By Truckers, spent last Saturday night telling stories, as he'd do with the whole band in their early, "18 Wheels of Love" era. But this encore was a high-energy jolt that proved to be the highlight of the night, including a now-rare performance of "Nine Bullets."

To no fault of Hood's, though, the frat-boy following he and his band draw continues to detract from their live show. "Mama Bake a Pie," the guy behind me screams all night, until Hood gamely played the song (which he didn't write). Then, two songs later, the dude's refrain begins again: "Mama Bake a PIE!" It's unclear if he doesn't remember Hood already played it or didn't care. The brainless dude is lost in the shuffle when we all run to the stage for the finale. But others step into the role.

"Ain't this great? Patterson never plays solo shows anymore," screams one guy to his friends, standing 8 feet from the man who is in the middle of a song, trying to play one of the rare shows. "There's an afterparty with Doc Daily," the guy continues. And all I can think is, "You know what it's the afterparty to? The show you're ignoring RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT."

Good lord, I'm getting old.

Hood's a professional, and he's dealt with worse. He was unfazed, if he even heard. And it was a great show, highlighted by some new tracks from a forthcoming (and still unrecorded) third solo record. "If y'all will come back and bring a friend, I'll come back around this time next year, and I'll bring TWO friends," he promised.

Now if we could only figure out how to leave a few of these people at home...

Willie's Bridge

2011-03-12T08:42:00.009-05:00

So here's the deal. I recently uploaded a short story of mine to the Kindle store. Fun times.

I don't have a Kindle. But my wife does. So, in a strange twist, she made me spend a few hours typing in an old story -- it was my first published piece of fiction -- and creating an online account so I could upload it.

So she could buy it for her Kindle.

Yeah, I don't get it either. But it's a pretty good story called "Willie's Bridge," and I designed a cool cover for it. You can buy it here. Please do. And if you like it, pass the word on to your friends. And, turns out you can get the Kindle app for just about anything, from PC to Mac to Droid to iPhone. Just not on the Nook. (Sorry. And B&N doesn't make it easy to self-publish material for their device either, despite their desperate need for income right now.)

I'm working a couple of new pieces right now. A short story and something bigger. The something bigger -- a novella most likely -- will probably see both a digital release and a limited-edition craft printing. Stay tuned for details on that there stuff.

It's just too easy

2010-10-05T08:19:00.011-04:00

Where? To? Start?

Driving through Alabama last weekend, making fun of candidates' names -- Twinkle? Really? -- I saw this one. Seriously, best name ever. The campaign totally writes itself:

"I trust Alabama's money with Young Boozer."

"Don't be a loser, vote for the Boozer."

You get the idea.

Catching up

2010-05-30T07:36:00.006-04:00

Hey, wow. So I've got more than 60,000 hits now and ~~haven't~~ hadn't posted anything new in a year and a half.

Seriously, thanks for reading, everyone. Mostly, I owe thanks to the legion of folks who, like me, enjoy imagining that the Harry Potter books are filled with naughty bits...

I've still been writing a bit, on the side. Here are some freelance pieces I put together for the Savannah Morning News:

* A story on that city's Psychotronic Film Festival.

* A profile of Patty Loveless.

* A short profile of Randall Bramblett.

* And several other stories as part of advance coverage of the 2010 Savannah Music Festival.

It's funny how now, approaching two years out of journalism proper, the length of newspaper stories feels stifling. But it sure makes every word count. Or should.

Bye for real

2008-09-30T21:33:00.005-04:00

Hello, gentle readers. I've been toying with whether or not to keep the blog running. But in the end, I've come to the conclusion that it's either going to (a) take too much time to keep it updated right and proper, or (b) suck. So I think this'll be the last post.

I'm not taking it down, though. So come back anytime you need examples of stupid people, good advice for soon-to-be-dated music, ridiculing of Seventeen magazine, and misinterpreted naughty bits from the Harry Potter books (by far the most-read posts, by the way. Never underestimate the public's lust for Emma Watson).

Thanks for coming by and being my audience. Yeah, of course it's been a waste of time, but hopefully an enjoyable one. See you in the funny pages.

Carmike and 'Fireproof' (or, Kung Fu Pander)

2008-09-29T18:03:00.007-04:00

Some anonymous commenter, henceforth referred to as ~~"Jackass"~~ "Eva," accused me of “caving to The Man” the other day. It’s not clear if Eva's saying that because I was trashing “Fireproof” based on its ridiculous preview or because, after 17 years of working in a field that underpays people and is suddenly trimming its work force, I took a private-sector job.*

Most likely it’s the latter (to which I’d answer “up yours, Eva”). But I’d like to think it’s the former, because of the potential irony. In my book, Carmike Cinemas, caved to The Man by showing “Fireproof” on its largest screen, when anybody could’ve told you that “Eagle Eye” would be the No. 1 movie this weekend. (Final numbers: “Eagle Eye” rang in at $29.2 million, “Fireproof” at No. 4 with $6.5 million.)

Carmike is making marketing decisions based on broad stereotypes about the South, the Bible Belt. And being headquartered here in Columbus, Ga., it should know better. Or maybe it does know better, but it’s simply pandering to power brokers wielding a cross.

“Fireproof” stars Kirk Cameron, and for some, that’s enough to kill it right there. But he’s allegedly not terrible, despite how he looks it in the preview. That aside, the movie tells the story of a firefighter who is trying to salvage his marriage based on Biblical principles. That’s not a horrible premise, I guess, even if it’s more suited to a Lifetime movie than a Hollywood release. But when Hannah Goodwyn of the Christian Broadcasting Network reviews the film and says it doesn’t meet her "very high standard of what a movie should be" entertainment-wise, you know it ain’t very good.

Of the top five best movies of the year, three are based on comic book characters (“The Dark Knight,” “Hellboy II” and “Iron Man”) and the other two are animated (“Wall-E” and “Kung Fu Panda”). Funny thing is, you’d think comic-book heroes would offer the same black-and-white stereotypes that a film like “Fireproof” embraces, with “Love God/Hate Sin” roughly equating to “Hero Good/Evil Bad.” But the heroes of those three films are complex and fallible, and in some cases antiheroes. And that’s why people can relate to them. They offer real heart, real soul.

"Eva, I'm sorry
But you will never have me
To me, you're just some faggy girl
And I need a lover with soul power
You ain't got no soul power"

--of Montreal, “Bunny Ain’t No Kind of Rider”

-----
*Corporate culture is interesting, by the way, and not necessarily bad. My employer, for instance, charges 50 cents for diet sodas, but 60 cents for regular ones, in an effort to encourage healthier habits. And either way, it's a hell of a lot cheaper than the 75 cents I used to have to pay. Which adds up when you're (a) paid peanuts, and (b) addicted to caffeine.

Scratched

2008-09-27T20:06:00.002-04:00

Paul Newman

1925-2008
Pool shark, salad dresser, speed racer

Jon Stewart: TV mightier than the pen

2008-09-25T19:33:00.001-04:00

Ouch. I mean, I know I'm not in the newspaper business any more. But ouch.

This here's 24 seconds of pain... At least the audience didn't laugh too hard. Maybe they never figured out what he was talking about.

Et tu, Stewart?

'Fireproof' = Actorproof

2008-09-25T08:17:00.000-04:00

Wow. I saw this trailer last night, in front of "Burn After Reading." The acting was so freaking bad that I half expected it to be a parody. I kept waiting for the overlay to say, "From the makers of 'Tropic Thunder!'" But no, it's real. And moreover, that's really Kirk Cameron.

Go ahead and click "Watch Trailer." I dare you to make it all the way through without laughing. Jenn and I both cracked up in the theater. She says she felt bad: "I didn't want to offend any Christians who might be in front of us." I says: "They hate crappy movies too."

I think the best part is how they make the double Os in "Fireproof" out of wedding rings. Awwww....

Gay Aiken

2008-09-24T17:56:00.005-04:00

It's probably no big surprise for most folks to learn that Clay Aiken has admitted he's gay. You know, the crystal clear singing voice, the penchant for big sweaters (exhibit left), the collection of haggard female fans.

What you may be wondering is, what effect will his coming out will have on record sales and fanbase?

None, it turns out. See, Aiken's fans (or, "Claymates") have a median age of 83. And to them, "gay" still only means happy and jovial. No harm, no foul.

A license for that

2008-09-23T18:30:00.000-04:00

Anyone else notice how the new Georgia license plate stickers are, how shall we say this, bigger than the indented space on the license plate where the sticker goes?

No big deal, I guess, since it's a common fact that you can run red lights -- at least in Columbus -- without much fear of repercussion. And you can certainly perform a hit-and-run and not worry about the Five-O knocking on your door. Seriously. That's what the police told us as victims of ~~one~~ two. "Well, there's 200 of those a month."

Uh, good to know...?

Same cigarettes as me

2008-09-21T08:38:00.006-04:00

My final pop culture column for the paper ran Friday, though I've still got a story or two in the can that will appear hopefully soon.

Anyways, here's the farewell column. It's not sad. And there's mention of Todd Snider, ELO, The Replacements and a slightly more oblique reference to the Rolling Stones. Fun times!

Welcome to Corporate America!

2008-09-18T21:21:00.000-04:00

I should preface this by saying that I think I'm really gonna like my new job, and everyone at work is super nice.

That said, I got a parking ticket at work on my first day. Go me!

Not for the swallow!

2008-09-16T11:12:00.005-04:00

Thanks, Joe Paull
It's hard to imagine how any kid shoots his eyes out, when BB pellets come with such specific warnings as this:

Click on the picture to read the label. Or trust me when I tell you that it clearly states...
* Under the parent serve as guardian usage.
* This product forbids the swallow.
* The in keeping with 7 years old and above childs play.

For some reason, this makes me want Mexican food for lunch.

By the bye

2008-09-16T09:26:00.007-04:00

So tomorrow's my last day working at the Ledger-Enquirer, and, most likely at newspapers. No biggie. I just had a great opportunity come at me. After holy-crap-has- it-really-been-17-years in the field, I'm actually looking forward to a change.

Don't know what'll happen to the blog yet. The Ledger folks are happy to still have it up, so I'll probably keep posting as time permits. But the new boss is going to get full concentration, so I probably won't be posting daily.

I've still got some cool stuff coming: That Rock-afire Explosion story is just holding until they've got the space for it. It was slated for last weekend, but there was something about a hurricane in Texas or something that got in the way. And I'm working on a piece now about celebrities and politics. Fun stuff.

My last pop culture column runs Friday. I was thinking about great album closers for that column, and, even though it didn't end up in the column, I keep going back to "Shangri-La," on ELO's "A New World Record." Not the best song on the album, by a long shot. But Jeff Lynne's lamenting "I'm getting out of love" over and over and over seems to fit right now, as I leave the business that I love. Then the orchestral passage kicks in, resuscitating the theme from Track One ("Tightrope"). And then Lynne's back, his voice floating up from what sounds like a valley below, singing "I wiiii-iii-iiiill return, to Shangri-La."

Don't know if you've read James Hilton's "Lost Horizon," the 1933 book that created the concept of Shangri-La. Or maybe you've seen the Capra movie from '37. Suffice to say that Shangri-La's a paradise in the middle of the frozen Himalayas — a place that the protagonist leaves even though he may never be able to find it again.

***

"Like my father before me, I consider a past
I can't understand
As I grasp for a moment that slips through my hands
And I stumble toward a future, concealed in a haze
Half faith and half fear
And my innocent vision's no longer so clear

I walk on"

— Tonio K., "We Walk On"

Wikipediawesome

2008-09-15T15:09:00.003-04:00

Reading the Wikipedia entry on the Dead Kennedys, in disbelief that the kid from "The Courtship of Eddie's Father" replaced Jello Biafra as frontman (true, by the way), I stumble on these two unintentionally awesome sentences:

"In the late 1980s, the band was embroiled in an obscenity trial in the US over the 1985 Frankenchrist album, which included a poster with art that depicted penises (Penis Landscape by H. R. Giger). The band was charged criminally with distribution of harmful matter to minors, but the trial ended with a hung jury."

Steady as she holds

2008-09-15T09:54:00.004-04:00

Spent some time spinning The Hold Steady's latest record, "Stay Positive," this weekend. Along with the title cut, "Joke About Jamaica," "Both Crosses," and "Lord, I'm Discouraged," are kick-ass. Among the best songs they've every recorded.

So I can't decide what makes the first few songs on the record sound a little flat to me — which maybe kept me from listening to it very much for a few weeks. I think maybe I just don't like the tracking of the album. Happy to see the band is building some momentum, though. This, their fourth record, entered Billboard's Top 200 at No. 30, which is their strongest showing out-the-gates yet.

Oh, and just a reminder that they're touring with the Drive-By Truckers right now. There's a Nov. 1 date at The Tabernacle, in the A-T-L.

Ugh.

2008-09-14T13:47:00.001-04:00

I watched "Before the Devil Knows You're Dead" this morning. You remember this movie. It played in your fair town like a week. Starred Philip Seymour Hoffman, Ethan Hawke and Marisa Tomei's breasts.

It's a good thing they made this movie, because, you know, if there's one thing there's a lack of in Hollywood, it's acclaimed movies with no redemption, no lesson for humanity with a healthy dose of despair, darkness and death.

Manly fashion

2008-09-11T20:53:00.006-04:00

Wondering now why I didn't watch this show during its one and only season... (Go ahead and watch. This clip is 11 seconds long.)

It's "Firefly," Joss Whedon's space-opera-meets-western that was eventually reworked into the very good feature film, "Serenity." Neither project was a success, alas. And we can only blame ourselves.*

You can stream the whole season for free over at Hulu.

-----
* The film produced one of the most magical pieces of dialog you'll ever find in a deleted scene:
Reynolds: Get these bodies together.
Zoe: We got time for grave digging?
Reynolds: Zoe, we're going to rope 'em together. Five or six of 'em. I want 'em laid out on the front of our ship.
Wash: Are you insane?
Reynolds: Put Book front and center. He's our friend, we should honor him. Kaylee, find that kid who's taking a dirt nap with baby Jesus, we need a hood ornament. Jayne, try not to steal too much of their shit.

Pink Floyd's Gilmour in concert

2008-09-11T13:06:00.006-04:00

Attention stoners: A David Gilmour performance will get one shot on the big screen in Columbus. It's set for Sept. 22 at the Carmike 15 — which my press releases say is at "5555 Whittlesex Parkway."

Whittlesex? I'm kind of scared to ask what kind of fetish that is. Anyway, unless there's a new Carmike 15 on a new street, that was a Freudian slip and they mean Whittlesey. They should be forgiven. It's not like Columbus is the headquarters for Carmike Cinemas or anything. (Pause.) ... (Wait for it.) ... Oh, we ARE the headquarters for Carmike Cinemas?

Anyway, it doesn't really matter. This is just David Gilmour, after all. I mean, I love me some Pink Floyd and all, but only a dozen people saw the live "U2-3D" concert on its Friday night debut in this town. ... If you're looking for the full list of 107 cities showing the Gilmour concert, click here. It's a PDF, which is a pain in the arse. But that's the price you pay.

In summary, what we've learned today is:
*Carmike is dumb.
*Figgy needs to stop bogarting the blunt.
*This Web site generates your "stoner name." (I'm "Jurassic Jointmaster.")
and.
*When it comes to supporting events, Columbus sex. I mean sux.

Picture imperfect

2008-09-10T15:18:00.006-04:00

Here's a photo from the Ledger-Enquirer archives. It was provided by Fort Benning, likely from the '50s, but showing soldiers reenacting with what I'd guess is gear from World War I.
I like how they're all wagons-in-a-circle, as if Lou Diamond Phillips there with the bayonet in the front (a.k.a., the red-shirted Star Trek ensign) is actually General Custer in some anachronistic last stand.

My favorite guy is this one, though...
... as he's ready to fire his trusty pistol, should the rifles, cannons, grenade, mortar and, uh, tank fail to fell the enemy.

For richer or Potter

2008-09-09T13:54:00.005-04:00

J.K. Rowling, the world's first gajillionaire author, successfully sued two "creators" of the "Harry Potter Lexicon," a book that was to have been published.

The reason she won? There was little or no original work in the book. (The story is here.)

While I'm a fan of intellectual property, as long as it doesn't prevent us from making fun of, for example, the "unintentional" naughty bits in her books (as exposed (ahem) here, here, here, here, here, here and here), I do have a hard time buying her argument that the book's publication would have caused "irreparable harm" as a writer. Or damager her income. I'd guess she's already made 9/10ths of the fortune that her Harry Potter universe is going to earn her.

Bearly believable

2008-09-09T11:12:00.003-04:00

Troy Heard found a forthcoming movie trailer that features a Phenix City man who assembled a Showbiz Pizza Place band (the Rock-afire Explosion, formally) at his place and reprogammed them to do cool things like this.

I'll have the full story this weekend in the paper. Check it out. (And thanks, Troy.)

Sweet Homesky Alabama

2008-09-08T11:30:00.002-04:00

Thanks Maggie and Bandit
So. Very. Disturbing.

Weekend lessons

2008-09-08T10:35:00.008-04:00

I'm clearly not too old to learn stuff. Went to see the Falcons this weekend, and it was only my second pro football game ever. (First was an equally meaningless Saints vs. Redskins game in the mid-1990s. I apologize for the redundancies in that last sentence.)

Among Sunday's lessons:

— Free is the best possible price for Atlanta Falcons tickets, even if the parking is $25.

— The fake boob quotient is at least twice as high, per capita, in a football stadium than other places.

— (New Amsterdam gin* + Lemonade) = (Cheap + Delicious)

— Pro football cheerleaders look just as skanky in person as they do on TV. (Hot?)

— Fat people should not be allowed to wear inappropriate jerseys to a football game (i.e. the dude wearing an Iverson). Sleeveless ones are even more egregious offenses.
-----
*I like this gin a lot. For me, it's best as a mixer since it brings up the citrus in gin and suppresses the juniper. It makes a lousy traditional martini — so don't put olives anywhere near it. But lemonade or ginger ale with it are deelish. Ironically, they're marketing it as gin "so smooth you can drink it straight," which is pretty much what people do with traditional gin, in a martini (depending on whether you add a splash of vermouth or just wave it over the glass).

Palin comparison

2008-09-05T11:31:00.002-04:00

Jon Stewart's "Daily Show" has been hammering veep candidate Sarah Palin for claiming her daughter should have the right to make her own choices regarding the girl's illegitimate daughter. AKA, she should have a choice. So it's a great point.

And the fact that it comes from the mouth of a potential rock star ...

... makes it, of course, all the more true.

I hope my wife understands that I love Jon Stewart, with all of my body. Including my pee pee.*

In related news, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford this week did away with a requirement that salon employees receive 1,500 hours of training to shampoo hair, saying, "What we want to do is avoid laws on the books that don't pass the Comedy Central litmus test." Who says the media can't force responsible decision making?
-----
* A phrase stolen from this site.

Esquire (again) proves that it rocks

2008-09-04T15:11:00.001-04:00

What the Hell is Wrong with Blog Commentors?
Professor of Communications Paul Levinson and comedian Mike Birbiglia weigh in on why babygrl212 and mccainh8r think they have the right to be so goddamned stupid online.

Major Human Flaw: Posting inane comments online.

Response No. 1, by Paul Levinson, professor of communications at Fordham University and author of the upcoming book New New Media: Everyone has a ratio of satisfaction and frustration. What makes the Internet different is that it's so easy to express this frustration. Sometimes, people are too cowardly to assert themselves in person. They don't want to be shouted down, or they may know that what they're saying is absurd. But for those kinds of people, the anonymous empowerment of the Internet is like a drug. They're not just expressing anger, but authority.

Response No. 2, by Mike Birbiglia, stand-up comedian whose DVD, What I Should Have Said Was Nothing!, is out now: Comments sections offer this great opportunity for morons to show the world they don't know the difference between their,there, and they're. It's as if Brian Williams finished every segment by saying, "That's all I got. Now, does anybody have any batshit-zany e-mails they'd like me to read out loud?" The worst part is, I'll start to second-guess myself: Huh. I thought his name was spelled "Barack Obama," but according to squidbaby44, "Barak HUSSEIN Osama is a secret mooslim!"
/\
//\\
||
||
This is from the latest issue of Esquire, one of two* magazines I read cover-to-cover. So go ahead with the comments. Hurt me, babygrl212!!!
-----
*The other is Wired.

Mr.E meat

2008-09-03T12:29:00.004-04:00

My first experience with an Army-style Meal, Ready to Eat or whatever they're calling them now, came just a couple of weeks ago, but it came thanks to Hurricane Ivan back in 2004. That hit Pensacola, my old hometown, and I pretty much spent four or five straight weekends driving down there to help with post-hurricane cleanups on my dad's and brothers' properties. We were without power and water for the first couple of weekends, and the Red Cross issued us gallons jugs of water and as many MREs as the could.

Since Jenn and I were driving home to air conditioning and running water, we left that stuff down in the danger zone — with the exception of two meals: one marked meatloaf and one marked jambalaya (which was the closest to a vegetarian one we had).

That sat in the cupboard until our Cumberland Island camping trip a couple weeks back.

We're assuming, of course, that they were fairly new meals in 2004 and not, as we suspect, leftovers from Gulf War v.1.0. But either way, they were at least four years old — and they were still good.

I was also amazed at the quantity of food in there. And, not so surprisingly, old Skittles taste just like new Skittles.

Ye Olde Wikipaedia has some pretty interesting history on the meals, but best is their list of insults that soldiers have concocted for them, including: "Mr. E," "Meals Rejected by Everyone," "Meals, Rarely Edible," "Meals Rejected by the Enemy," "Morsels, Regurgitated, Eviscerated," "Meal, Ready to Excrete," "Materials Resembling Edibles," and even "Meals Rejected by Ethiopians."

My other favorite thing about them was the propaganda-lite on the packaging itself, urging soldiers to eat the whole meal and also proclaiming "Nutrition: A Force Multiplier!"

East bound and down, six feet underground

2008-09-02T13:29:00.005-04:00

Jerry Reed

1937-2008
Country legend, philosopher, bad actor

His machine killed fascists

2008-09-02T10:03:00.006-04:00

Finished reading "Bound for Glory," last night. It's Woody Guthrie's autobiography, which is mostly not about music. I guess that makes sense, because he was just 31 years old when he penned it. The book is full of horrible spelling and dialect so thick as to be disorienting. But if taken as a series of vignettes, it's a very good glimpse at the formative instances in the young folk musician's life. (Curious, though, that he never mentions his first wife...)

Of note for Columbus-area folks is this passage, some 70 pages from the end:

"I got back to where everybody was, and the two little sisters was singing 'Columbus Stockade':

Way down in Columbus stockade
Where my gally went back on me;
Way down in Columbus stockade,
I'd ruther be back in Tennessee.

'Columbus Stockade' was always one of my first picks, so I let them run along for a little while, twisted my guitar up in tune with theirs, holding my eat down against the sounding box, and when I heard it was in tune with them I started picking out the tune, sort of note for note, letting their guitar play bass chords and second parts. ..."

You can find locals Rick Edwards and Henry Conley playing the old song at the bottom of this post.

Picture imperfect

2008-08-30T09:41:00.000-04:00

Here's a picture from 1956. I believe that's the bustling metropolis of Phenix City, Ala., in the background, and law enforcement officers turned to a newfangled tool we know as the radar gun (or, as it's called here, the "Speed-Meter") to crack down on those old jalopies that were roaring down U.S. 280 at — what's that needle say? — oh, 15 mph.

Duchovny's 'XXX-Files'

2008-08-29T17:12:00.003-04:00

David "X-Files" Duchovny has entered a rehabilitation facility to combat an admitted sex addition. This much is true. (And it made his casting in "Californication" easy, right?)

Researchers at the facility quickly discovered that every man who's been married to Tea Leoni* has had an addiction to sex.

Following that discovery, researchers determined that every man has an addiction to sex.
-----
*I don't really know anything about her first husband, Neil Joseph Tardio Jr. But how could it not be true?

Hootie to Blowfish: 'Suck it!' (updated)

2008-08-29T15:31:00.012-04:00

Tragic news in the music world. Hootie and the Blowfish, one of the most popular bands of all time,* has announced a breakup.

I know. It's hard to believe. Hard to believe they were still together, that is. But the best news is why the band has split: So singer Darius Rucker (henceforth referred to simply as "Hootie") could pursue recording a few country music records.

So the ray of light here is that maybe Hootie's arrival on the country music scene will mean the same thing it did on the pop music scene. Namely, the destruction thereof. ... But wait, country music's already bland and compressed. On second thought, he'll fit right in.

The story.
(And already the course correction is starting, as evidenced here.)
-----
*Where "all time" is defined as 1994-1995.

Now that's a case of the runs

2008-08-28T11:45:00.003-04:00

Thanks Maggie & Bandit
I can't believe I'm just now posting this crap:

Click here.

See, I'm not just being crass. I'm informing you that a piece of art blew away from its exhibit space in Switzerland, causing all kinds of trouble. It just so happens the name of the giant, inflatable, brown-colored exhibit is "Complex Shit."

Oh, and the artists name is Paul McCartney. Oh wait, that's McCarthy. I got confused because McCartney's being making crap he calls art for years.*
-----
*Excepting last year's "Memory Almost Full," which is pretty good.

Mexican vs. Mexican't

2008-08-27T10:48:00.010-04:00

Yeah, I forgot to mention Brito's in the list of local Mexican places below. But Troy's right, it's great. That and La Mexicana de Columbus (the taqueria on Victory Drive) are the best.

Brito's has a Web site that's all in Spanish, so you know the food's good. I ran it through Babelfish for a translation and was particularly pleased with the information under the "About Us" tab (or just "We," as it was translated):

The services that we offer are:
Shipments of money to any part of the world.
Phonecards and for cellular of all the marks.
Service of slaughter.
Extensive provided of fruits and vegetables.

Service of slaughter. Sweet!
-----

Alone At 3AM
"Mexico" (mp3)
from "City Out of Luck"
Buy album at iTunes Music Store

Why does Columbus hate Greece?

2008-08-26T10:47:00.002-04:00

Here's an ad that ran in last Thursday's To Do section:

So Columbus is losing a Mediterranean restaurant. But hey, we're gaining a place called La Margarita. And let me also take a huge leap of faith and say that I bet they'll have margarita specials on Wednesday nights!* Oh boy!

Because, you know, we needed another Mexican place, alongside Durango, El Vaquero (3 locations), Locos Amigos, Los Amigos, Viva El Toro, Vallarta, El Carrizo (2 locations), La Nacional, La Mexicana de Columbus, Don Chuchos and El Zapata (2 locations). And those are just the big ones.

On the Greek/Mediterranean side, that leaves us at, I think, negative-three eateries**. Great...
-----
* What is it with every Mexican restaurant here having margarita night on the same night? Wouldn't it be smart counter-programming to try that on, say, Tuesday? Or if they're feeling daring, Thursday?
** OK, two technically. There is Mario's, downtown, and Imbis, up by Columbus Park Crossing. But only one of those*** is good.
*** Imbis.

Bigfoots? Bigfeet?

2008-08-25T10:39:00.002-04:00

My fellow Ledger-Enquirer reporter Tim Chitwood wrote a great column on Sunday about the recent Bigfoot sighting in north Georgia. Here's the link.

So they think evidence of a "gorilla suit" makes this sighting a hoax. Who am I to know? But there is solid photographic proof of a Bigfoot, people. And here it is, as witnessed by three reputable sources. (Or, at least one reputable source.)

I know what you're thinking: That still photos are easy to manipulate. So that's why I also offer the following video footage that should erase all doubts...

Laff Olympics

2008-08-23T20:22:00.007-04:00

So I seriously heard this during the Olympics broadcast yesterday:

"Latvia: Small in population, huge on talent in BMX!"

Don't get me started on medaling in BMX. I guess the Olympics wrap up tomorrow. I missed much of the games, since we were outta town last week. And really, I've got mixed feelings about the way it caters to developing physical freaks for specific disciplines. But whatever. I do tend to like watching the sports I can relate to or have tried myself. You know, tennis, volleyball, synchronized swimming...

Stuff in the paper

2008-08-22T09:38:00.005-04:00

Here's today's column, which has some light-hearted lessons from Cumberland Island (including the secret of Kung Fu pigs!)...

And here's a little item on those groovy little retro-style Peek'Size Football Guides being in stores today.

(That little ninja pig picture over there I grabbed offa the site of this fine illustrator, Tracy Bartlett...)

Something to Crow about*

2008-08-21T18:13:00.006-04:00

This ripped from the AP wires, like so many bodices in the hands of swarthy men...:

LOS ANGELES — Sheryl Crow wants your vote — and figures she can get it for a song.

The Grammy Award-winning singer is offering a free download of her politically charged tune ‘Gasoline’ to anyone who logs onto the Rock the Vote Web site or anyone on the group’s mailing list. And the first 50,000 people who register three friends to vote will get a free digital copy of her album ‘Detours.’

‘I hope people wake up and emotionally engage in issues,’ Crow said...

Hmm. Hopes people wake up... That, of course, begs just one response: THEN STOP SINGING MUSIC THAT PUTS PEOPLE TO SLEEP.

(Kinda liked that "Leaving Las Vegas" song, though. And it is cool that she's giving her schtuff away for a good cause. Click here for the full story. Click here to register and grab the free tuneage.)

* Whilst trying to come up with a clever headline for this item, I looked up the word crow and found "n. The shrill cry of a cock." And that's all I've got to say about that.

Staind vs. Jonas Bros.?

2008-08-21T10:34:00.006-04:00

MTV News is reporting that Staind's 6th album (good lord, have we really endured SIX???) is likely to be the first since 2001 not to debut a No. 1 on Billboard's sales charts.

The reason? It'll be the second week of release for the Jonas Brothers' new album.

So the mouse's band kids — "Hanson 2008 with Disney behind them" as Staind's Aaron Lewis says in the story — are kicking the tatted-up butts of the post-grunge hard rockers. I kinda love it. Except that what MTV failed to report is that both bands are frickin' lousy. So no matter who wins, we lose.

'Cracked,' not broken

2008-08-20T11:45:00.009-04:00

Used to be, "Cracked" was the poor man's "Mad" magazine. I didn't even know "Cracked" was still around, but it is — online at the least. The Web site's really funny, and not in that "What, me worry?" sort of way.

I just browsed a list of the "6 Most Terrifying Foods in the World," which includes Balut, a duck-egg delicacy wherein the egg is fertilized before it's cooked, so there's a little duck in there. Mmmmm? But funnier, to me, was this list of 25 men who look like old lesbians (Bruce Jenner, anyone?).

Good stuff.

On a scale of 1 to awesome, it's super great

2008-08-19T11:11:00.006-04:00

While I was away, the crazy Brothers Chaps and Telltale Games apparently released the longish-awaited first chapter in a for-sale "Homestar Runner" video game series. It's actually getting good reviews from gaming sites.

It's called "Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People." I'm hoping the title doesn't preclude me from playing. It's a point-and-clicker, so I'm imagining it's kind of like "Peasant Quest" game over on homestarrunner.com, only without the typing. There's a demo to download and play, which I haven't had a chance to grab yet.

Here's more about the game, which costs all of 9 bucks.

(If you've read all this and are thinking "whuh???" then here's a quick primer: Homestar Runner is a series of webtoons and games set in an innocent-humored, '80s influenced cartoon world, populated by a series of rapscallions and colorful folks. The site's highlight is where a fellow named Strong Bad, who wears a Mexican wrestling mask, answers e-mails. Frickin' hilarious.)

Hold Steady, it's the Truckers!

2008-08-18T15:06:00.008-04:00

The Drive-By Truckers have just announced a co-tour with the Hold Steady. Which is great, as I'm a fan of both acts and they're playing Atlanta. They'll alternate which band goes first.

But most interestingly, this means we've got the next-gen self-aware Lynyrd Skynyrd touring the country with the next-gen ’70s-style Springsteen. Which seems like a weird pairing. Except that it's not.

Whatever. Here's the tour schedule:

Rock and Roll Means Well Tour Fall 2008
•Oct 30 Louisville, Ky. — Coyote's (HS closes)
•Oct 31 Nashville — Ryman Auditorium (DBT closes)
•Nov 01 Atlanta — Tabernacle (DBT closes)
•Nov 02 Tallahassee, Fla. — The Moon (HS closes)
•Nov 03 Raleigh, N.C. — Lincoln Theatre (DBT)
•Nov 05 State College, Penn. — State Theatre (HS)
•Nov 06 New York City — Terminal 5 (closer TBA)
•Nov 07 New York City — Terminal 5 (closer TBA)
•Nov 08 Philadelphia — Electric Factory (DBT)
•Nov 09 Boston — Orpheum Theatre (HS closes)
•Nov 11 Toronto — Phoenix Theatre (DBT closes)
•Nov 12 Pittsburgh — Carnegie Music Hall (HS)
•Nov 13 Bloomington, Ind. — Bluebird (DBT closes)
•Nov 14 Chicago — Riviera (HS closes)
•Nov 15 Minneapolis — First Avenue Mainroom (DBT)
•Nov 16 Minneapolis — First Avenue Mainroom (HS)
•Nov 19 Boise, Idaho — Big Easy (DBT closes)
•Nov 20 Seattle — Showbox (HS closes)
•Nov 21 Seattle — Showbox (DBT closes)
•Nov 22 Portland, Ore. — Creystal Ballroom (HS)
•Nov 23 San Francisco — Fillmore (DBT closes)
•Nov 24 San Francisco — Fillmore (HS closes)
•Nov 25 Los Angeles — The Wiltern (DBT closes)

Cumberland

2008-08-17T18:04:00.008-04:00

So the vacation was spectacular, with the worst moments only coming during the drive back. After a week of avoiding interaction with human beings, dealing with their traffic jams and such proved bothersome.

Anyways, I'll post more about the vacay later. But here's a video clip from one of my favorite moments, where Jenn and I spotted a wild horse, full gallop, about eight miles north of camp. Then it came up to us to get a closer look...

Road music

2008-08-16T12:10:00.000-04:00

Today I'm heading back from a week of sun and seclusion at Cumberland Island, on the Georgia coast. It's pretty off the grid. No phones. No Internets. No cars even. It's accessible only by ferry. I can promise you that now, as I'm writing this even before we left, that Jenn and I had a great time.

So yeah, all the blog posts you've been reading this week I wrote up last week, and scheduled them to post through the week. Clever monkey, me, no?

I burned a bunch of MP3 discs with new stuff to sink into on the drive there and back. So I should have something to say about some of the following albums:

*Shearwater's "Rook"
*The Hold Steady's "Stay Positive"
*Spiritualized's "Songs in A&E"
*Dr. Dog's "Fate"
*Okkervil River's "The Stand Ins"
*My Morning Jacket's "Evil Urges"
*Centro-matic's/South San Gabriel's "Dual Hawks"
*Conor "Bright Eyes" Oberst's eponymous thingy

...and some others that I can't recall right now. Talk at you soon.

Second best chalkboard artist*

2008-08-16T11:09:00.000-04:00

Thanks Maggie & Bandit
Submitted as a fine Friday time-waster. And boy is it ever. The Chalkboard Manifesto is a regular strip you can find here. Updated frequently.
*after Bart Simpson

Burst all your balloons, burn all your cities

2008-08-14T20:51:00.001-04:00

So the bassist for rock band Sister Hazel has written a children's book based on the lyrics of one of the band's songs. Which is cool, I think.

I like Sister Hazel, even if I chronically confuse them with Blues Traveler. I was relieved to find out, for instance, that the book was not based on the song "Hook," since I could see where trying to explain to a pre-schooler who Anne Boleyn* was might be, well, problematic. There's also the potentially illegality of using the words "mouth" and "organ" next to each other when talking to a child.

Jett Beres is the bass player's name, and the book is thankfully based on the band's innocuous song "Starfish." Here's the book's Web site, if any parents wanna check it out. It's out Sept. 23.

----------
*or "Amber Lynn" as one of my old co-workers used to think.

Picture imperfect

2008-08-13T09:07:00.003-04:00

Here's an interesting one from the Ledger-Enquirer archives. I'm not sure who this woman is, why the newspaper took her picture in the mid-1970s, or where in our bustling metropolis she found a wind tunnel that put her topside in this particular condition. Maybe she was rushing to get to the casting call for the role of an extra on an ep or "Kojak."

Whatever the reason, it's impressive.

It's a beehullet. Or perhaps a mullhive. Not exactly a mullet. Not towering like a beehive. Somewhere in an awesome, awesome place in between. ... Get thee to a haberdashery, lady.

Click here to see the last installment of "Picture Imperfect."

Catsuits

2008-08-12T20:53:00.000-04:00

Thanks Meg
I dressed my dog up exactly once. It was for a story on Halloween costumes for pets. He was a pumpkin, and it made him very, very sad.

So I get a weird feeling in my chest when I see what these people chose to do with their cats, as evidenced by the New York Post.

But I also hate cats, so it's kind of cool.

(The pictured "cat" is named Hale Bop, which indicates that maybe it's originally from outerspace, possibly explaining its lack of hair.)

So to 'pop a cap' I'd use the blaster?

2008-08-11T09:25:00.000-04:00

Thanks Joe Paull
The language is salty in places, but it's totally hilarious — and nothing you haven't heard in the rap music before, beeyotch.

Sugarland me sour

2008-08-09T11:03:00.000-04:00

The former 1/3rd of what became a Sugarland duo (do the math) is suing the band, saying she's due a share* of the profits.

I thought I liked Kristen Hall. And, granted, she's the one who originally brought Kristian Bush and Jennifer Nettles together, with herself, to form the country music pseudo-supergroup. But I'm not sure how she thinks she's due substantial profits from the group's second and third albums, considering she co-wrote a total of one (1) tune on those two discs and hasn't logged any time touring with the band, doing interviews or otherwise, you know, working as a part of Sugarland.

I know, I know. She had a contract blah blah blah. I'm not talking about the letter of the law, but the spirit.

So now I suppose Kristian Bush can also retire, let Nettles do all the heavy lifting, and still make his third too? Come on, Kristen. Earn your part of the band's money or let it go.

(Did I mention that Jennifer Nettles is single again?)

---------
*where "a share" = $1.5 million

***

"Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp
Demolition woman, can I be your man?"

— Def Leppard, "Pour Some Sugar on Me"

Paris Hilton Vs. Morgan Freeman

2008-08-08T10:45:00.003-04:00

What do Paris Hilton and Morgan Freeman have in common?

Read today's column in the newspaper to find out.

Horse (non)sense

2008-08-07T16:28:00.006-04:00

I'll apologize at the front-end. I don't usually think people dying is funny. That's why I refrained from posting this yesterday, when I first read it.

OK, enough with the apology. Here's the item, posted by my Ledger-Enquirer cohort Tess Hollis:

A 35-year-old Chambers County man was killed early Tuesday morning when his car caught fire after he hit a horse.

Wyatt Finch was driving near Valley, Ala., on County Road 388 when he struck a horse, causing his car to catch fire. The accident happened around 6:20 a.m. Alabama State Troopers are investigating the accident.

The original item can be found rightcheer.

So why did I decide to post it? Not because a man dying is funny. But because that first sentence is maybe my favorite piece of newswriting ever. The brevity is its genius.

But does hitting a horse really cause a car to catch fire? Just any horse? (Or, as my co-worker Nick muses, was it one of those alcohol-laden Clydesdales) Was it a ridden horse? A stray? A wild horse? Ahhhhhh! We must know!!!

I don't know if Mr. Finch is married. If so, I apologize to his widow. I'd like to think, however, that if I was driving a car that hit a horse and then blew up, I'd be looking down from the clouds, chuckling about it. "Well, that's one way to go..."

See you at the debates, bitches!

2008-08-06T17:46:00.008-04:00

Here's what all the fuss is about. See Paris kick John McCain in the crotch. Figuratively.

As much as it pains me to say it, I've actually grown some respect for Paris Hilton. (But I still don't think she's hot (at least not from the neck up).)

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

Goin' home

2008-08-06T13:34:00.003-04:00

Like every other music writer who interviewed him, I wrote a story once about how young bluesman Sean Costello was. When I talked to him the first time he was 20 (going on 74), and I thought it was interesting that he was this old soul playing in bars that he otherwise wouldn't have been allowed in.

So, also like everyone else, I was stunned when he died a few months back.

In June, a buddy at work told me to check out the Creative Loafing piece on him. But I never did. I was sort of in denial, I think — maybe because Costello was about a decade younger than me. I dunno. Anyway, I finally read the story, and it is great. I actually hadn't even heard that his OD was accidental, a la Heath Ledger (although with heroin, amphetamine, and cocaine in his system, alongside a prescribed anti-anxiety drug). Check out the story here.

I'm a jerk

2008-08-05T21:51:00.001-04:00

I got caught up in workstuffs and ungraciously forgot to link Friday to the Georgia On My Mind blog, which hosted a regular event they call the Georgia Blog Carnival, in which they round up the most interesting posts within the past couple of weeks by Georgia bloggers.

I love the site anyway, since it's got absolutely the best blogroll of area bloggers, period. But they were also kind enough to mention one of my posts and link to the Web site. So, if you're inclined, go to the Carnival post and see what other Georgia bloggers are up to. It's good stuff.

The greatest tour that ever lived

2008-08-05T18:12:00.000-04:00

The Weez has just announced its North American tour dates. There's an Atlanta date, so get our yer credit cards and prepare to curse and whine at Ticketmaster's inconvenience charge.

Unfortunately, the Big A-zey has to wait longer than the rest of the world. But at least it's not a No Rivers City.*

NEW WEEZER TOUR DATES

Sep 23    Boston         Tsongas Arena
Sep 24    New York City      Madison Square Garden
Sep 26    Atlantic City    Borgata Casino
Sep 27    Philadelphia Susquehanna Center
Sep 29    Detroit          The Palace of Auburn Hills
Sep 30    Toronto, Ont.     Air Canada Center
Oct 2    Chicago        All State Arena
Oct 3    St. Paul, Minn.     Xcel Arena
Oct 5    Denver           Broomfield
Oct 7    Salt Lake City E Center
Oct 9    Portland, Ore.     Memorial Coliseum
Oct 10     Vancouver, B.C.      GM Place
Oct 11     Seattle      Key Arena
Oct 13     San Jose, Calif.     Events Center
Oct 14     Los Angeles    The Forum
Oct 17     San Diego        Cox Arena
Oct 18     Phoenix, Ariz.      Arizona State Fair
Oct 20     Austin, Texas     Frank Erwin Center
Oct 21     Dallas           Nokia Theater
Oct 23     Houston             Reliant Arena
Oct 25     Atlanta        Gwinnett Arena
----------
* A bad joke, referring to this very good ATL band

Stuff in the paper

2008-08-05T09:26:00.003-04:00

Today, at long last, my story on The Flip Side record store ran. It's a story I've been wanting to write for years, but needed a peg. And the resurgence of vinyl gave me that... Be sure to watch the video and look for me straining not to laugh.

Also, I forgot to post the link last week to my column, which is about wasting time playing casual games on your type-puter. (Here's the worst of the lot.)

Cory Haim, no, Feldman 'news'

2008-08-04T15:18:00.005-04:00

So Cory ~~Haim~~ Feldman recently said that he doesn't see a sequel happening to "Stand By Me." Which I didn't even know was in the running over Hollywoodways. Unlike "The Goonies," which I had heard rumor of. (Sorry fans, no plans for that sequel either.)

Maybe he's cooled his jets on this project because "Lost Boys 2" went straight to video.

Yes. That's right. There's a "Lost Boys 2."

Officially, it's "Lost Boys: The Tribe." Here's the trailer, in which Feldman has the best line: "I'm Edgar Frog, surfboard shaper and vampire hunter." Enjoy (?). Oh, and here's the Feldman interview, sadists.

Lost Boys: The Tribe

Dusk at Cubist Castle*

2008-08-03T12:18:00.002-04:00

We took another shot at the Cubeecrafts this weekend, but this time, instead of me printing it out on the cheap copy paper at work and coloring it in with red pens -- and further risk getting fired -- Jenn and I used actual cardstock and an inkjet color printer.

Oh, the marvels of our modern technology.

Jenn made the smashing Indiana Jones mock-up -- much more enjoyable than in "Kingdom of the Crystal Skull." It printed up the idol and revolver, too. Bocce ball boulder not included.

Of course, if she's been smart like me, she would've just made The Rocketeer**...

...or perhaps Iron Man, neither of which has to run from any boulder they can fly over.
----------
*A reference to The Olivia Tremor Control's record, of course.
**Kind of a crappy movie, really. But the guy was cool.

Dulcimer
"Indiana Jones" (mp3)
from "Rob's Garden"
(President Records)

Buy at iTunes Music Store

Meat + Pizza = Meatza?

2008-08-01T14:38:00.001-04:00

thanks Troy
Ugh. I'm not like ~~one of those freaks who doesn't eat meat~~ Jenn. I love the meats and all, but this makes even my stomach hurt.

Still, I can't believe that on this side of the world — the side affectionately (or confectionately?) known as the land of gluttony and deep-fried Snickers bars — they haven't introduced this sausage-stuffed pizza. Yes, it sounds dirty.

Disclaimer: I did really like the stuffed-crust pizza that was stuffed with mozzarella cheese. But that was good. It was like getting a cheesestick on the outside of yer pizza. Not the same thing.

'Midnight Meat Train'???

2008-08-01T11:47:00.011-04:00

That's the name of a movie that just appeared today at the Columbus dollar theater. Turns out, it's a Clive Barker horror story, lensed by Ryuhei Kitamura ("Sky High"), that was supposed to see release in May.

But rather than release it the same weekend as "The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian,"* they bumped the release. Now it debuts in dollar theaters. Apparently we're one of the luck 100 theaters to get a screening in the nation, before it goes straight to DVD.

So that's what that is, if you're wondering. Here's the movie's Web site.
----------
*Because, you know, Christians and children who like fantasy stories are the primary audience for horror films. Maybe a crucifixion thing.

Copycats

2008-07-31T14:37:00.007-04:00

A dog has "adopted" three tiger cubs at a Kansas zoo, reports the Associated Press. Coolest part is the photo:
Well, it'd be coolest except for the fact that the whole trans-species rearing thing is passe ever since a little Tori Amos CD known as "Boys For Pele":
She should've called it "Girls for Piggy," I think. ... That's right. You forgot Tori Amos let a piglet suckle on her bosom, didn't you? Tried to block it from your mind, but it was still there, tucked somewhere beside the memory of Eddie Murphy's musical career, the phrase "Shall we play a game?" and the name of Salt-n-Pepa's DJ.

The dark ages

2008-07-30T15:34:00.004-04:00

Oh my sweet dear lord.

I think the best part about the above story (10-word summary for the lazy clickers: Man arrested trying to recycle a light pole for cash) is that the guy tied it precariously to his truck and drove to the recyclery. Which is probably a bad enough idea, but he did all this with a suspended license.

Still, not sure he should've been charged with grand theft.

Miley High Club

2008-07-29T15:38:00.009-04:00

LifeStyles, the condom manufacturer, is testing the mettle of young teen star Miley Cyrus, who pledged that she will remain a virgin until she marries. Despite her affinity for flashing her bra-covered teenage boobs. Anyways, LifeStyles is putting its money where her pouty-lipped mouth is, offering her $1 million to represent the company.

Hmmm. Wonder what message that would send...

Simulated teen boy thought process:
"I'd better buy some condoms to have on hand for my date with the girl who will (a) never go out with me, and (b) not sleep with me even if I contrived a way to end up alone with her."

Or maybe the condoms are for the hooker that the frustrated kid goes to later. Not sure. Doesn't matter. She's apparently not interested in the contract. (Of course her alter-ego, Hannah Montana, jumped at the chance for the endorsement. But everyone knows she's a slut.)

Waits gain

2008-07-29T09:36:00.010-04:00

Here's a roundup of some free music you should check out:

—My buddy Dan saw Tom Waits in concert at the Fox in Atlanta earlier this month. "One of the best shows he's ever done," he said. And he's seen him a number of times. So you can kick yourself* for missing it. Or you can hear it on NPR's Web site, starting today. They're streaming the full, 2-1/2 hour show which features "songs he’s never played outside a studio. The 25-track set includes 'Hold On,' 'All the World is Green' and 'Hoist That Rag,' followed by an encore of 'Anywhere I Lay My Head,' " says NPR. Go here to hear him hack up a lung for the roaring crowd.

—Over at Spin.com, you can download a new cut from Gnashville's Kings of Leon. The song's called "Crawl," and it's off the album "Only by the Night," due out Sept. 23. The cool thing about this is "Crawl" isn't the lead single, so you might not hear it much on yer satellite radio. Grab it here. You gotta give 'em your e-mail address, but whatever. Oh, and here's the Spin story on the ~~Kings~~ Sons of Leon download. Why not give them a click as a little thank-you?
----------
*Not sure why we always suggest doing this. Ever tried actually kicking yourself? It's not easy.

Best of '08 (so far): Steady as they go

2008-07-28T10:08:00.009-04:00

Three great records are in heavy rotation for me right now. (Well, four. But I've already written about this one.) So maybe these are my strongest contenders for record of the year so far:

* Raconteurs, "Consolers of the Lonely": Jack White, Brendan Benson & Co. sneaked this thing out with, like, two weeks' notice. After a noisy couple of tracks — which Stephen Thomas Erlewine insinuates is an "In your face!" to critics of the last record's softer sound — the boys get down to very, very good business. In all, this is a boozier, braver and better album than their debut. And the fact that it just appeared makes it all the more magical.

* My Morning Jacket, "Evil Urges": God bless these guys for pushing at the walls. At different times in their career, they've been hailed as a great jam band, heirs to Neil Young, alt-country akin to the Drive-By Truckers. Yet they seem to be interested in none of those labels. This album's third track sounds more like Prince than anything else. Behind the quirkier cuts are songs that will appeal to fans of "It Still Moves" and "Z." But the experimental stuff should do well to separate the fly-by-night fans from the ones willing to go on a ride without knowing the destination.

* Okkervil River, "The Stand Ins": This one's not out until September, when I'll buy it. Right now I'm listening to the leak, and I love it. This is a sort of sequel/companion piece to last year's "The Stage Names," and the pop culture references from that record still abound (Zykos; Bruce Wayne Campbell; Yet another reference to porn star Savannah), but here they're nesting in a setting that's more folk-rock than pop. Musically, it sounds like a cross between "Stage Names" and "Don't Fall in Love with Everyone You See," and tracks like "Singer Songwriter" and "Calling and Not Calling My Ex" recall early Dylan more strongly than any of their previous work.

Last year about this time I was raving about the Apples in Stereo and Of Montreal records — so Georgia was definitely representing. This year, not so much. Although barring an incredible crop of music for the second half, REM's "Accelerate" will probably end up on my year-end list.

No trouble with stubble

2008-07-25T15:34:00.012-04:00

The Georgia Department of Agriculture launched a new policy that takes casual Friday to a new level. Here's the release, which details the plan by Ag Commish Tommy Irvin.

They're actually discouraging men from shaving on Friday, to conserve water. (Maybe they're discouraging women from shaving their legs, too. It's not clear.)

Of course, as I write this I'm sitting in jeans, loafers and an untucked shirt. So I love anything that encourages such slackitude. Wonder what are the odds of this breaking out into corporate environments...

Irvin

Stuff in the paper

2008-07-25T11:46:00.002-04:00

If you're of a mind to click here, you can read today's column, about what I didn't like about the new Batman film, "The Dark Knight."

And click here to see what me, Sonya and Alan are up to this weekend. Mine involves an anagram of my name. Because I'm a dork.

Some will win, some will lose

2008-07-24T15:56:00.002-04:00

thanks Maggie & Bandit
This bears no further explanation. Just watch.

Today's news we don't care about

2008-07-24T11:17:00.002-04:00

Number 1: That Google unveiled Knol, a hopeful competitor to Wikipedia.

No. 2: That Christian Bale's alleged mother/sister smackdown was prompted when sis asked for money to help raise her three kids.

No. 3: That Brad Pitt threatens legal action to.... Wait, I don't even care enough to finish the sentence.

The best Bale-related clip I could think of...

Form of, an ice missile!

2008-07-23T16:58:00.004-04:00

'Wired' magazine has listed the 10 Best Battle Cries. You can read it here. They're pretty good, topped by King Leonidas' "This is where we fight! This is where they die!" (as seen in "300," which I'm still convinced is gay porn with an R rating). There's also a He-Man line on the list. Bethcha can't guess which one.

Two notable omissions:

*I'll always remember the winged dude in the awful "Flash Gordon" movie, looking at thousands of enemies approaching, then plunging in the fray — and certain death — saying, "Who wants to live forever, anyway?"

*It was a bad movie, that "Flash Gordon," so we can forgive that oversight. But there's less sympathy for neglecting these immortal words: "Wonder Twin powers, activate!"

Lautrec-ing for a good drink

2008-07-23T14:37:00.006-04:00

We were in Cambodia, on the western coast, playing in the Gulf of Thailand and eating cheap food. We were in Sihanoukville, which appeared to be an enclave for expatriots and for Russian ~~mobsters~~ tourists.

So it seemed like a good place to drink pastis. It's a French anise-flavored liqueur, akin to what I imagined absinthe tasted like, only without the whole bothersome mind-rot thing. It was yellow and becomes cloudy when you cut it with water — and believe me, you'll want to cut it with water. But it was delicious. I had lots more, knowing I'd never be able to find the stuff in the states.

All that changed this year, I guess. And now the The Denver Post is reporting that by year-end, we will have 20-25 brands of absinthe available stateside. Huzzah! Sounds like it's time for us to order a bottle and try my hand at painting like Toulouse-Lautrec. Or at least sit back and watch our Cambodia slide show.

Whit's end

2008-07-23T09:01:00.002-04:00

The Ledger-Enquirer's video guy, Joe Paull, recently finished this piece on guitarist Ricky Whitley — who used to live in these parts but now roosts down on the Florida panhandle (or maybe the Alabama coast). Anyway, this was supposed to be a companion piece to the stories that Tim Chitwood and I did last fall on "Columbus Stockade Blues." But evil forces conspired against us and it never got done.

Until now. It's a performance of the song, and some wacky hijinx from Whitley, who's quite possibly crazy.

Getty up? No, Getty down

2008-07-22T14:48:00.002-04:00

Estelle Getty

1923-2008
Stallone's mom, Manilow's mom, Dorothy's mom, Golden Girl

Oh yeah, the Batman movie

2008-07-22T10:59:00.004-04:00

And speaking of Batman, Monday night was my "Dark Knight." So sue me. It was a busy weekend.

The film is fantastic. I don't understand the reviewer* who said there was an extraneous "epilogue." So I was expecting the six false-endings from "The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King" (or "Get on the boat, Frodo," as we've taken to calling that malady in shorthand). But it wasn't there. I think the reviewer missed something there. That last 20-30 minutes was, arguably, the whole point.

When "Iron Man" came out, I put it at the top of the heap of superhero films to date. It's now second-best (but still the most fun).

---------------
*Carrie Rickey at the Philadelphia Inquirer. Here's her review.

Stereotypes

2008-07-22T09:38:00.008-04:00

The star fraternity president on ABC's reality show "Greek," Scott Michael Foster, was arrested for drunk driving. Seriously.

Christian Bale, who plays Batman, the world's greatest detective, is being investigated after accusations that he beat his mother and sister. Seriously.

Oh yeah, and Heidi Klum likes the sex. Seriously.

What's with everyone dropping right into their stereotypes these days?

Bale, trading in his Batman suit

for a ~~wife beater~~ mom-and-sis beater

Head like a Heidi-hole

2008-07-21T11:41:00.000-04:00

In a new interview with Heidi Klum, available for viewing here, she says that sex is "definitely here to stay. It would be very boring without. It’s definitely one of the most fun things to do, you know?"

Now granted, Klum is being interviewed by Liz Smith, the gossip column diva who is a startling 85 years old. And Smith is pressing her for something juicy. And Smith is also rocking around on her sofa, leaning forward and backward and side to side like she might just be passing a gallstone during the interview (Certainly distracting). Further, Smith leads her into the "definitely here to stay" line.

But please. "Here to stay"? Was sex in danger of passing out of fashion? And "It would be very boring without"? Yes. Yes it would. It would also be a bummer from a, you know, reproduction standpoint if no one had sex.

But, I guess, what do you expect from the daughter of a makeup artist and a hairdresser? (Answer: Good looks. And that's apparently all we get.)

Weekend lessons

2008-07-21T10:34:00.008-04:00

Things I've learned this weekend:

1) Dinner for two at the tapas restaurant at Meritage — even if you just order a small-plate and your wife orders a single tapas and you share one bottle of wine — can be expensive. But it's worth it. (Stick to the tapas, though)

2) Once of the hidden danger of surprise parties is that the surprisee has no idea that she shouldn't get completely ripped the afternoon before the party.

3) Winning about $1,200 in chips by drawing a royal flush* is one of the world's most sublime joys.

* Actual odds in Texas Hold 'Em: 1 in 649,740

Rubik's boobs

2008-07-18T17:34:00.004-04:00

This could be fun. You know, in the way brain hemmorhages are fun...

*What: U.S. National Rubik’s Cube Tournament 2008
*Where: Underground Atlanta
*When: Saturday July 19, 2008 11 a.m.-6 p.m.
Sunday July 20, 2008 noon-7 p.m.
*Website: Here.

These guys allegedly solve the standard cube blindfold. They also have a "speedsolve" of the 4X4X4 cube. Have you ever even tried one of the 4-bys? No? Don't bother.

I'm going up there, taking a contestant by the shoulders, shaking him until his glasses fall off, and saying, "SOLVE WORLD HUNGER. CURE CANCER."

Bright night for 'Dark Knight'

2008-07-18T15:05:00.004-04:00

The new Batman film, "The Dark Knight," has set a new box office record for a midnight debut, the AP is reporting. Here's the brief:

LOS ANGELES (AP) — A tracking firm says ‘‘The Dark Knight’’ has set a box office record for a midnight debut.

Media By Numbers says the new Batman movie from Warner Bros. brought in $18.5 million Friday from its midnight screening in 3,040 theaters.

That bested the 2005 performance of ‘‘Star Wars Episode III: The Revenge of the Sith,’’ which took in $16.9 million at its debut.

‘‘The Dark Knight’’ figure did not include any of its 3 a.m. or 6 a.m. showings.

I know in Columbus, we sold out four shows and had a good crowd in the fifth, so maybe it's no Joker.

'Talk' talk

2008-07-18T09:48:00.005-04:00

After seeing previous for "Talk To Me," the story of D.C. DJ Petey Greene, for like the last six months of 2007, the movie never appeared. Then I spotted it on a DVD release calendar. Turns out it never went wider than a few theaters.

So was this an art-house movie that never caught on or a film that just wasn't good enough for the big leagues (despite starring Don Cheadle and Cedric the Entertainer)? It took some time to get the answer, because video stores 'round here didn't stock the dang thing. Jenn finally tracked it down at the library, though.

And the answer is, it's neither. It's puzzling that it never saw wider release, since it's very good — if short of great. Apparently the writers played a little loose with the facts. My biggest complaint, though, is his whole rise to fame, from released felon to, eventually, TV talk show star, feels like it happens over the course of a year or so, when it really was a 10-year climb. The film's focus is a bit meandering.

But Cheadle and Chiwetel Ejiofor are great as Greene and Dewey Hughes, respectively. And the soundtrack's phenomenal, loaded with classic '60s and '70s soul and some more obscure cuts, too. So if you find this one in your rental store or in a discount bin, don't be afraid to give it a spin.

No, not a 6-foot 'pianist'...

2008-07-17T09:32:00.007-04:00

Thanks Meg
A 19-year-old who showed his arse by dressing like a penis at his high school graduation has been slapped with an unfavorable court ruling. He has to write an apology to the city of Saratoga Springs, NY, pay for an apology in the newspaper, and perform 24 hours of community service.

Huh-huh. Perform. Huh-huh. For 24 hours.

Why the Miami Dolphins will still suck

2008-07-16T14:44:00.007-04:00

My homeboys, the Miami Dolphins, have had quarterback problems for all of this decade. They apparently won't end with Josh McCown at the helm, in light of this report.

That's right, gentle readers, the man charged with leading the team made the allegedly conscious decision to hold firewood while his brother ~~swung an axe at him and the wood~~ tried to cut through the wood with a chainsaw. (His brother is a quarterback at a rival Florida NFL team, I should point out. Sibling rivalry run amok?)

I'd say we're lucky the finger's still attached and healing. But are we really?

If you change your mind (take a chance)

2008-07-16T11:35:00.009-04:00

So I guess Jenn's going with her girl friends to go see "Mamma Mia" this weekend. From the previews, I'm just gonna go ahead and say I'll hate this thing. (And not because of the ABBA soundtrack.)

Speaking, at least parenthetically, of ABBA, the sadistic folks at Sirius satellite radio have launched an all-ABBA station. I expect suicide rates among Sirius listeners to spike soon...

Now, I was recently listening to the 19 tracks on the newly re-released greatest hits collection (called "Gold"), and in the group's defense, once you get past the stereotypes, the music's aged pretty well. Sure, the lead vocalist (Was she one of the A's or one of the B's? Can't remember. Not worth the google) has a voice that's a little too pretty and strong for most manly men's tastes. And on the whole, they're a little operatic. Still, hasn't a track like "Knowing Me, Knowing You," with it's guitar-hero lead riffs and chopping Rhodes keyboards held up as well as Fleetwood Mac songs? Or at least Supertramp, come on.

Interesting factoid: 66 percent of visitors to ABBA — The Site say they listen to ABBA every day.* This compares to the 97 percent of the population as a whole who listen to ABBA either (a) never, or (b) slightly more often than never.**
---------------------
*this is true.
**this is probably also true.

Oh 'Boy'

2008-07-15T15:35:00.006-04:00

I've ranted before about the expanded re-releases of records that offer us too much in an effort to buy new versions of albums we've bought at least once already. Ryan Adams and Lynyrd Skynyrd come to mind first. But next Tuesday, U2 re-releases its first three records, each with a bonus disc (much as it did last year for "The Joshua Tree").

You gotta understand: this is my band. U2 is my Beatles, my Stones. Already I've bought "Boy," and "War" twice — once on vinyl, then on CD. ("October's" a fine record, but I bought it circa 1986, on CD, the first time.) So will this be any different? Will I re-buy again to get added tracks like the studio version of "11 o'clock Tick Tock," and alternate cuts of "I Will Follow," or is it all, ahem, U-2-much?

The "War" and "October" bonus discs are heavily laden with live tracks and alternate mixes of songs on the records — neither of which I give a rip about. The "Boy" release is most tempting. There are a lot of track's I'd never even heard of: "Touch," "Speed of Life," "Another Day." I've spent some time listening to the cuts on imeem.com (where with a free registration you can preview all the tracks) and they're interesting. A cut called "Saturday Night," proves to be an early version of "October's" "Fire" (with completely different lyrics), for instance. Tracks from the uber-rare "U2-Three" record are on there, too.

Go here, register, and give 'em a spin yourownself. Or try the player below. The bonus stuff starts at track 12.
U2 Boy - Deluxe Edition

Old hand at this tech stuff...

2008-07-15T11:39:00.005-04:00

My co-blogger Allison posted an item on the world's oldest blogger dying at 108. Here's the post, in which Allison said she hopes there are bloggers in heaven, only that there aren't a lot of passwords to remember.

Personally, I hope the password at the front gate is "welcome". Or maybe "welcome1" to limit the number of hacks.

p.s.: when I was looking for a suitable image to accompany this post, I stumbled on this scarring site...

That 'Spirit,' yeah, that 'Spirit'

2008-07-15T10:01:00.005-04:00

While we're still loosely on the topic of comic books becoming movies, here's a blog that's posted the new trailer for Frank Miller's film "The Spirit" (based on Will Eisner's strip, about a detective who comes back from the dead as the namesake Spirit). As the Film School Rejects guys say, it's too early to tell if this style is forced, but while they're kind of bummed out by the trailer, I think it still shows promise. But then, I'm not the biggest comic book geek around.

Samuel L. Jackson, on the other hand, might be. Anyone else know what L.'s fascination with comics is? Between "Unbreakable," his "Iron Man" cameo, the forthcoming "Avengers" thing, and now this, he's been all over the comic-to-film radar...

Anyways, the movie's out at Christmastime 2008.

***

"Somewhere tonight out on the street

Somewhere beneath this city's heat

In the eyes of strangers who pass me by

Life is cruel and so unkind"

-- The Alarm, "Spirit of 76"

Hell, boy

2008-07-14T10:09:00.005-04:00

I've been puzzling over the single best word to describe "Hellboy II: The Golden Army." Best I can do is "sumptuous." So many gorgeous moments. It's like the film version of the old AD&D "Monster Manual." Trolls, earth elementals, dark elves, a nasty gang of fairies, and of course the big red demon with the ground-off horns.

What's nice about this film, as walls are smashed, giant guns are blowing stuff up and swords are crossing, never lost is the fact that this film is about life (I'd say "humanity," but that's clearly not the case, given the rogues gallery of creatures). It's an extension of the first "Hellboy," which pondered what it is that makes a man a man. But it's better than that first movie. More imaginative, and more powerful, if less funny, and certainly something to give Tolkien fans hope for with his coming adaptation of "The Hobbit."

I was never a "Blade" fan. And I wanted to like "Mimic," but didn't (Mmmmm, Mira Sorvino). "Cronos" was good, but overrated. While this new Hellboy film is fantastic, it's still del Toro's quieter, Spanish language films — "The Devil's Backbone" and "Pan's Labyrinth" — that stand as his masterpieces.

No bull

2008-07-13T12:05:00.005-04:00

In the running of the bulls, New Orleans style, it may be the runners who are, um, horny.

After all, they're pursued by rollergirls, dressed in rollerblade gear and with makeshift horns affixed to their helmets. Mmmmmm, rollergirls. It all happened Saturday, and here's a photo from the event that helps explain why the men maybe weren't trying so hard to outrun their pursuers...

Of course, there's only one true Rollergirl in my book. Here's our girl, Heather, with a different set of wheels:

Hate(voice)mail

2008-07-11T14:03:00.006-04:00

Wow, that "Friends" column really set someone off. Here's a voicemail I just got, complete with stutter (but not the redneck Southern accent):

"I-I just read your article in this paper — read through it. You know what? You're a moron, and you sound like a queer. You need to stop writin' if this is all you can come up with. You're about an idiot. It pisses me off that they let people like you write stupid sh!t in the paper."

Guess he really hated "Friends." The ~~jackass~~ feller didn't leave his name, of course. But I wonder if they don't realize our voicemail gives us caller ID? Crosses back to a woman's name and address in Alabama. Probably his momma.

Reminds me of my favorite hate mail, in response to a column I wrote about Widespread Panic. One Panic fan said he "wanted to stab my gay Republican ass in the eye with a fork." Never mind that my gay (wrong) Republican (wrong) ass doesn't have eyes. I need to get Will Schaff to do a surrealist portrait of me based on that description.

***

"I'm goin' straight to hell
Just like my momma said
I'm goin' straight to hell."

— drivin' n' cryin', "Straight To Hell"

Stuff in the paper

2008-07-11T12:58:00.005-04:00

Today's column in the real newspaper is a fleshing out of the "Friends" movie post on this blog earlier in the week. It's funnier. Here's the linkage. And our weekend picks, complete with an item that will have people calling me gay, again, are here.

Tomorrow, look for chaos from the scene of the Columbus AT&T store, where the iPhone 3G went on sale this morning, as well as a rant about census counts. Fun stuff.

Its handses or nothing, my Precious

2008-07-10T16:13:00.007-04:00

Some guys clearly have too much time on their hands. But that can be a good thing when it results in a fan-made trailer for the forthcoming "Hobbit" film...

Amazing that he stitched all this together with "Lord of the Rings" bits and some dragon shots from, I believe, "Eragon." Meanwhile, in the real world, we await news about who'll be cast as Bilbo Baggins in the film(s), which Guillermo del Toro will direct and Peter Jackson will produce.

Oh, and here's a group of folks with even more spare time. They're creating a set of computer animated films based on the stories from Tolkien's "Silmarillion." Lots of luck, as the book that serves as source material is unreadable.

MGM to remake wrong 'Red' movie

2008-07-10T12:45:00.008-04:00

Thanks Jeff
The news came out yesterday that MGM has given the green light to a remake of, of all things, "Red Dawn." God help us. Tampa Bay blog The Juice makes better fun of this that I could, over here.

I loved this movie when it came out. Then again, I was 14 when it came out. I tried rewatching it a couple of years ago and saw it in a totally different light — a light that revealed painfully long stretches of "dialog" and "acting." I didn't remember any of that. I remembered Cuban (Soviet?) paratroopers landing in a field in front of a high school. I remembered kids popping out of trap doors in the ground to take down soldiers.

There's always the hope they'll make a better film this time around. (Shyeah, right. If they're gonna remake a crappy '80s film, why couldn't have been something as eye-pleasing as "Red Sonja"?)

***

As of this morning, you can stream the original "Red Dawn" on Google Video, rightcheer. But really, why would you?

Playful plates

2008-07-09T10:03:00.004-04:00

Over the holiday travels, saw three great vanity license plates, all in the span of about two hours in the interstates.

The first was a plate that said NOVBR 5. Great to see a Guy Fawkes reference en route to fireworks displays...

The second plate said WIZBANG. Which just about covers it.

But my favorite plate was an Alabama tag on a sport-utility number that said, succinctly, SCRIMP. (As in, I'm assuming, fried scrimps, not "scrimp and save," since that's a concept foreign to drivers of SUVs.)

The other Sam Phillips (the one with curves)

2008-07-08T14:06:00.007-04:00

I probably shouldn't be allowed to review records by pop vixens with whom I've had dinner, like Sam Phillips. (True story that I'm sure she doesn't remember.) But since this blog is pretty much an authoritarian voice, bollocks to you naysayers. Besides, she didn't buy my dinner, so it's not like payola.

Her new disc is "Don't Do Anything," the title of which might've been mistaken as a directive from her publicists at Nonesuch. It slid out silently on June 3, and her Web page still has an Amazon pre-order button. D'oh.

Anyways, after a handful of aggressive pop music albums, Sam settled into an acoustic, almost modern parlor-music groove for her last two discs. But "DDA," her first self-produced effort, finds her breaking away from that sound without retreading her 1990s near-fame. Still low-key, the songs have an acoustic forefront, but deeper in the mix are grinding guitars, feedback, and odd, clackity percussion that make the album sound like a kissing cousin to her ex-husband and ex-producer T Bone Burnett's newest record, "Tooth Of Crime." The album opener punctuates meter with a tooth-rattling, resonating bass drum. Elsewhere there's just piano, gorgeous strings, and that slicing thin-yet-strong voice.

If 2004' "A Boot and a Shoe" was a career pinnacle — and it was — "Don't Do Anything" is not a step down. It's highly, highly recommended.

***

Sam on World Cafe: Hear her live in concert on July 23rd your local NPR World Cafe affiliate. (In Columbus, that's WTJB, 91.7, which airs the show 11 p.m.-1 a.m. the following Saturday. Or stream it at your leisure here.